When Someone You Love Is Having a Tough
Time, Remind Them of These 20 Things
Beth Burgess
If someone you love is having a tough time right now,
there are some things that you can remind them of which
will help them trough their difficulties. Whatever you say to someone who is
struggling,
the most important thing is to ensure your tone of voice and
demeanour is appropriate.
Remind your loved one of the following things in a warm,
encouraging way,
and not in a “pull your socks up” way.
Your approach will make all the difference to the
response you get.
1. It’s OK Not to Be OK
When people are struggling, they often make themselves
feel worse
by placing unrealistic expectations on themselves.
They beat themselves up for having a problem and feeling
unable to cope with it.
Remind your loved one that they are no less of a person
just because they are facing
something challenging right now. You love them and will
support them in good times and bad.
2. You’re Not Alone
Identifying with the person who is struggling can help
them feel better.
They realize, then, that they are not bearing the weight
of the world alone.
Remind them that others have had this problem, and that
they already have found a way through it. Just knowing that they are not alone
can help them feel less lonely and more hopeful.
Encourage your loved one to join a support group or forum
if appropriate.
3. Let Go of Blame
Sometimes when people are struggling, they either want to
blame themselves
or other people for their circumstances. It’s OK to
initially express anger and frustration,
but wallowing in feelings of unfairness or blame will make
them feel worse and wastes their energy. Help your loved one to see that the
way out their difficulties is in looking for solutions
and not in assigning blame or hanging onto angry
feelings.
4. Struggles Make You Stronger
Wisdom, strength and resilience can all be built from the
foundations of tough times.
Help your loved one to see how they’re growing as a
person,
even if they feel like they’re going through hell. It’s
so important not to be glib or patronizing
when you’re saying this ‒ actually tell your loved one the
new strengths you see in them.
5. Take a Step Back
People going through tough times often lose perspective,
because they feel so mired
in the problem itself. Reminding someone to step back
from the situation
can help them to see things in a fresh light, and will
help them find new solutions.
6. Nothing Lasts Forever
The terrible thing about really tough times is that they
feel like they will go on forever.
But, in reality, nothing lasts forever ‒ not even the most horrible emotions
or the direst
circumstances. Reminding your loved one of this can help them
gain perspective and feel comforted at the same time.
7. Take Things Step By Step
Tough times can often bring complex and confusing
feelings,
and those who are struggling may feel paralyzed and
unable to make decisions.
Remind them that they don’t have to solve the whole
problem at once.
If they just do the next right thing, they will start to
make progress.
8. Look For The Open Door
When life shuts one door, another one will always open.
Losing something will always lead to new opportunities,
but only if you are open to them.
Remind your loved one to stay alert to fresh
opportunities and solutions.
9. Just Do Your Best
People who are struggling can put so much pressure on
themselves to get things right
that they feel even more upset when they don’t meet their
own unrealistic expectations.
Remind them that as long as they just do their best,
that’s all that matters.
They are human, after all. Their best is good enough.
10. You’ve Come Through Tough Times
Before
If someone you love is having a hard time, it may be
difficult for them to see their strengths. Reminding them that they have
already survived tough times before
can show them that there is an end in sight, and that
they have the strength to reach it.
11. You’re Brave
Most people who are struggling refuse to acknowledge how
strong and brave they actually are.
They may see themselves as weak and scared. Remind them
that courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the willingness to go on even
when you’re afraid.
12. There Is Something Good in Each Day
Going through difficulties can lead to a negative
mindset. If someone is really going through
a desperately hard time, and dealing with something like
depression, being all happy-clappy
with them won’t work. But do ask them about the good
things in their life, what has gone well,
and what they have achieved. It will help them to see a
glimmer of hope, even in the darkness.
13. Look at What You’re Gaining
Even when someone has a difficult problem, there will
always be an upside to it.
Whether it’s finding out who their true friends are when
they’re struggling,
or having the opportunity to develop patience, strength
and problem-solving abilities,
there will always
be a silver lining. Help your loved one to find it.
14. It’s Not Your Fault
Sometimes when people are struggling, they take their
problems very personally,
almost believing that their difficulties are sent in some
way to punish them.
If your loved one is doing this, reminding them that it’s
not their fault can help them feel relieved.
15. Well Done
Validating someone for their efforts when they’re having
a miserable time can make a big difference in their day. If someone is
struggling, they may not acknowledge their own hard work.
Giving them praise can help them feel rewarded and
appreciated.
16. Focus on Now
Often people make their tough times even tougher by
worrying about the future
or fretting about the past. They may add to their misery
by letting themselves think back
to all the times life has treated them badly or that
they’ve failed before; or they may fear
that their current difficulty will lead to yet more
problems. Remind them to focus on now,
because that’s the only part of the story they can change
at the moment.
17. Nothing Is Ever the End of the World
Very few problems, however big or small, can actually
stop you from breathing.
You can encourage your loved one by reminding them that
everything is survivable and beatable. They will find a way of dealing with this issue,
however tough, if only they keep trying.
18. Be Kind To Yourself
When someone is going through a hard time, they may feel
so frustrated by their problems
that they resort to beating themselves up or not allowing
themselves a minute of reprieve
from the issue. Remind your loved one that tough times
are easier when we’re kind to ourselves. They are allowed “time off” from their
problem to have a laugh,
treat themselves, and be around good people.
Relieving stress can actually help them to come back to
the problem refreshed and recharged.
19. People Want to Help
If your loved one is suffering, they may believe that
they have to go through it all by themselves.
They may not want to burden
others with their problems, and won’t want to ask for help.
Remind them that most people are amenable to helping; in
fact, helping feels good.
The reason people have different strengths is precisely
so that they can help each other.
Encourage your loved one to seek extra help should they
need it.
20. I’m There For You
The strength of these words can not be underestimated.
Letting your loved one know
that you’re there for them, and that you will listen to
their feelings, dry their tears,
or even just be around, can mean everything to someone
going through hell.
Just being a non-judgmental, caring presence in your
loved one’s life can make a massive difference in how they feel and how they
cope.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/when-someone-you-love-having-tough-time-remind-them-these-20-things.html
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