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Monday, 27 October 2014

13 proven strategies and behaviours that increase your attractiveness to others.

Friendship. Photo taken by M'reen

13 proven strategies and behaviours that increase your attractiveness to others.
Written by M’reen

So, OK the measurements on the tape may not read the size you desire and your bank account 
may be modest, nor are you the perfect height or have the perfect education. 
Does that make you a looser? Absolutely not!
This is simply your outside appearance and your personality is more than skin deep.

Focus On Others
What really gives you the magnetic edge over others is
your ability to focus your attention toward other people.
Make a point of being fascinated by other people, their life experience and their work.
Ask questions, a failure to ask questions is understood as disinterest.
Talking continuously about yourself is boring so monitor how many times you say ‘I’
in a conversation and balance ‘I’ with a ‘tell me about you’ question.
Successful communication happens when people share equally about what is interesting 
and exciting to them. When they share something with you, make sure you respond
with more than ‘me too’ as that is really the end of the conversation and back to you
as your principal interest. You need to hit the ball back over the net with a response
that continues the conversation such as ‘me too, did you …….?’ Now you have a shared conversation and the other person/s can feel that you really relate to each other.
However, maybe you’ve met people who always, but always, have had a worse experience that you; it is better if you are not that person 
as such a conversation becomes a competition and not a conversation.

Talk about Their Interests
When you talk only about your interest it is rather like people talking about their work
life and you belong to a completely different industry, you don’t even understand the jargon 
and rapidly become bored. So watch for the signs as to how people are engaging with you, 
are their feet pointing to the door or they are rummaging for their car keys?
Change tract and find what interests them most, a hobby, film or current event
and you’ll find this to be a great way to build rapport and, who knows,
maybe a valuable friend or business contact.

Keep These Off The Table!
It is realistic to recognise that men and women do have different interests
and it would be silly to prattle on about a subject that most people of that gender
have little or no interest – so find out – don’t presume.
Also the personal past of relationships or health is often a subject to leave out
of your conversations until a suitable point in a relationship.
A male trait very often is to hear a problem and then provide a solution – done deal;
while the feminine perspective is to seek the experience of others
and consider the consequences.
Therefore the big hunter would realise that the medicine woman
likes to solve the mystery.

Look Appropriate to the Setting
Dress for the ‘do’, while recognising that people’s sense of style and occasion
has changed over the years and what you consider to be appropriate
might not be the style chosen by others.
However, your appearance is important, important enough for style coaches
and for YouTubes; so while you are expressing your personality, does that ‘personality’
appeal to the person you are trying to impress or make feel at ease?
I once saw a lawyer give evidence while wearing Hawaiian shorts –  somehow that didn’t seem right, nor did his chewing gum fit my image of the situation. 

Care about Each Person in the Room
The qualities of empathy, caring, concern and genuine interest
are keys to attracting high quality interest from other people.
When asked to display disinterest to the extent of rudeness as an exercise I couldn’t help 
giving the person speaking to me quick little glances as he poured out a deeply sad story. 
Those glances were enough for him to feel that I was, in fact ‘present’ with his concerns.
Do you perform random acts of kindness for people daily, give an unexpected smile
or complement? Kindness is something that is seen to come from the heart,
though it needs to actually come from the heart and not be an automatic response
which people can intuitively feel.

Personal Mastery
This is a mix of self esteem (value of the self) self confidence (ability) and humility (being cool 
with not knowing). Such a person has the ability to listen with patience, to respond to what 
they’ve heard (given the chance) and to ask questions that enable the other person to expand 
on the subject. They can give the other person what they need at that time
as they are confident and comfortable in their own position. Therefore they are able to relax 
and laugh easily which makes the other person feel listened to and appreciated.

Making Other People Feel Good
This can often be achieved with a little, but believable, complement regarding
their clothes or the way in which they handled a situation.
Remembering a point from a previous conversation or remembering to include them 
when ‘everyone’ appears to have forgotten them or does not know how to be
with someone who is ill, for example. These little considerations are noted by others
and may lead them to being more generous with their time and ability.
Thank-you, particularly with a smile, costs nothing but is a very powerful ‘feel-good’ activity.

Enthusiasm’s Power
The word enthusiasm stems from the Greek,  “en-tae  theos,” or “god within us.”
There is a certain “spirit” or “aura” that seems to fill people that are fully present
with the joy of their life. I met a lady who was within three weeks of her death
from cancer and yet she was a joy to be with at a party.
A fellow artist’s Parkinson’s has developed rapidly and he simply could not …,
he just looked up and laughed at his wife. I have lessons to learn.
It is difficult not to be infected by someone’s enthusiasm for their subject or joy.

Be Healthy
People who are vibrant and attractive to others are those that have sound
mental and physical health.
There are many books that have single sentences for reducing the stress you express
in your life. Including a recent report that states that simply sitting properly
actively reduces stress and improves physical health.
As a hypnotherapist these seems obvious to me as if you put your head and shoulders down and slump the n your body is instantly flooded with depressed chemicals as your body leads your mind. On the other hand if you think about something pleasurable
your body responds physically. Try this now.
So before you enter a room or conversation fill your mind with joyous thoughts
and you’ll instantly full fill many of the points raised in this article.

Develop Certainty
This means develop your knowledge and interest base.
I read that someone took up a different hobby each year in that vein
maybe you could read or watch in a different subject area each year.
If I remember correctly, Ursula Andress as ‘Honey Ryder’ in Dr. No (1962)
could be considered a very attractive person. Her education consisted of starting at A
in the encyclopaedia and Geisha’s were highly educated to fulfil their role.
This education gives a solid base for conversation and a resource for others and promotes confidence in yourself as does ‘practising what you preach’ so that you can ‘walk your talk’.

Orientation to Action
Some people simply ‘do’, they create and make things happen
that you let pass through your mind as a good idea.
Sometimes these things don’t work or are a stepping stone
but these activities tend to involve others and be of mutual benefit.
This positivity is seen as being successful and it is often said that
if you want something doing then you ask a busy person to help out.
This quiet or burning energy is directed and focused and is seen to be of benefit to others
and we all like to be associated with people seen as winners, stars, people of the moment.

Personality Plus
Compatible personality does matter.
Tolerance means broad-minded of others and that doesn’t mean that you approves
of actions that are against your principals. It means that while maintaining your boundaries 
you can accept that someone else’s difference are just that – differences.
Humour stands the same litmus test, again there is a general male and female difference 
when it comes to jokes. A friend told me to close my ears as he told two other men
a joke he knew would leave me cold. He respected the difference and boundaries  described above. A person who can laugh at herself is often a lot of fun to be around.
And as my friend with Parkinson’s, he made light of a difficult situation that can only get worse 
and made it so much easier for me to relate to him as the person he is inside.
Sincerity means a lot to people. Again men and women tend to view this 
from a slightly different perspective with women finding sincerity to mean security
and you’ll have to tell me what it means to men.
And for those who are balanced with their masculinity and femininity
then being balanced is the optimum and important word with all these points.
Honesty with yourself and with others along with consistency
and a growing personality are important constituents of sincerity.
Flexibility People admire flexible people and find them easier to be with.
This does not mean changing your personality to suit the circumstances or person
but to genuinely be open to exploring new ideas.  

The Talking Body
A long time ago I heard someone read a letter in a monotone
as was expected of that culture at that time.
Are you a monotone personality or do you let your enthusiasm shine
through your voice, eyes and gestures?
I find golfers fun, the ones I’ve met simply can’t tell you a story as they have to enact every detail and being a none golfer then the story appears in ‘glorious technicolour’.
Subtle body language to outright mime are skills a film star use to describe the story.

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:                this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.      describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Monday, 20 October 2014

Do you have the emotional intelligence employers seek?

image: mashable composite. getty creative, iheartcat

Do you have the emotional intelligence employers seek?

You’re a more-than-qualified professional ready to take on the job market, 
and although you know the job search can be highly competitive, you believe your experience, 
online reputation and accomplishments will make you a shoe-in at any organization. 
There’s just one problem: No one is calling you back. 
This is an all-too-common story in the job search saga. 
With an average of 250 resumes received per corporate job opening, 
it's clear that employers are looking for a little something extra in applicants — 
and perhaps the key factor you’re missing is emotional intelligence.

Job seekers tend to focus only on their professional experience. 
However, employers are constantly on the lookout for smart people who are not only experts
in their fields, but also have the emotional intelligence to become a well-rounded worker 
and a fit within the company's culture. 

Employees with emotional intelligence can instantly take the temperature of the room 
and adjust to different personalities.
These are the people who find it easy to get along with coworkers 
and who work well as part of integrated teams.

Do you have the emotional intelligence of a truly great professional? 
Below are a few factors that go into developing and displaying your emotional intelligence 
in a job search setting.

Emotional intelligence: An overview
If you know you have to pull out all the bells and whistles to really boost your chances of job search success, showcasing emotional intelligence can be a highly beneficial way to get there.
Daniel Goleman first brought the term "emotional intelligence" to the masses in 1995 in his book 
of the same name. According to Goleman, great leaders are often distinguished by emotional intelligence, which includes self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. 
While these are often referred to as "soft skills," 

Goleman found direct correlations between emotional intelligence and measurable business results.

While methods like IQ assessments have traditionally been shown to predict job search success, research shows that these tests aren’t nearly as accurate when used alone as when 
they are combined with assessments of the cognitive and social abilities that comprise 
someone's emotional intelligence.

Interviews are key
While interviews are a great place to talk about your specific industry skills, they're an even better setting to put your emotional intelligence on display. Many employers use the interview process to ask questions about why you want to work for the organization, what career goals you want to achieve and what exactly about the role would make you excited to get up in the morning. 
When you showcase your emotional intelligence in addition to your core skills, 
you’ll likely be seen as a balanced professional.
For instance, candidates should speak convincingly about collaborative work in former assignments, share how they interacted with team members and discuss successful outcomes of projects. 
The ability to work effectively with other people and resolve conflicts can be an indicator 
of one’s emotional intelligence, and a job interview is a great place to showcase this.
Here are a few questions employers might ask prospective candidates in order 
to gauge emotional intelligence.
Tell me about a time when you were involved in a conflict with a coworker. 
How was the issue resolved? 
What actions did you take to alleviate the tension?
Describe a project in which you worked as a part of a team. 
What was your role and what were your contributions?
Do you tend to work well in a team setting?

Stay flexible
Staying flexible is also important to your overall emotional intelligence. Flexibility may mean different things to different employers, from working cross-departmentally to completing tasks remotely.

Show employers you have the ability to adapt to new environments and work with a wide variety 
of people in order to communicate the flexibility of your emotional intelligence. 
Employers want to know you can adapt to anything thrown your way, 
and high levels of emotional intelligence can help you succeed in a variety of situations. 
In a global marketplace, this can be the difference between "You’re hired!" and unemployment.

For example, let’s say you have experience in client-facing roles. Your job revolves around knowing what the client wants before they ask for it, providing advice, managing expectations 
and goals and speaking to them respectfully. In any given moment, these duties could be mixed, slashed or appended to fit the needs of the client. While these may seem like "normal" job duties, they clearly demonstrate your emotional intelligence, since they not only speak of your ability 
to stay flexible, but also demonstrate the skills needed to be a driven employee.

Passion goes a long way
Employers are always looking for the secret ingredient to create a better team. 
Perhaps the most important characteristic is passion — and therefore it's an essential attribute to communicate during the job search. True enthusiasm means more than reading up on the industry, and candidates with emotional intelligence understand they need to do more to impress employers. Passions for extracurricular and volunteer activities may also be 
good ways to illustrate emotional intelligence.
For example, my company recently hired an outstanding, gifted pianist — not only because 
of her professional set of skills, but also due to her ability to present very deep passion for music 
and excellence. Although these two may not seem like they’re related, having an intense vigor 
for your interests is a trait that can convert into superior job performance. 
Ultimately, it shows that by putting your focus and energy into one task, 
you can create success and cultivate a spirited enthusiasm for your work.

Building on your emotional intelligence
While emotional intelligence may come easily to some, it may not to others. 
As mentioned above, being aware of the passion and enthusiasm you’re displaying for the job, 
as well as demonstrating your ability to be flexible in any work situation is a great start.
A more concrete way to hone in on your emotional intelligence is to understand and determine 
where your strengths and weaknesses lie. To do so, you can take a free online test, on platforms such as TalentSmartMySkillsProfile and IHHP.
Once you know the strengths you can build on and what you need to improve upon, 
you can allow that information to drive the approach you take in your job search. 
For instance, highlight your strengths in your resume, cover letter and during your interviews. 
Try to not touch directly on the weaknesses you uncovered, but be aware of them and make sure 
you are prepared to address them in questions that come up throughout the interviewing process.
If your job search has hit a dead end, take a look at your level of emotional intelligence 
and see how you can translate it into more successful outcomes. 
While emotional intelligence may not seem to be as important of a skill as, say, technical expertise, 
it can be the key you need to stand out in a competitive job market.

Mashable Job Board Listings

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs: this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.      describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

4 Ways to Protect Yourself From Emotional Manipulation

Photo by: Rebecca Finch

4 Ways to Protect Yourself From Emotional Manipulation

    “Anything is better than lies and deceit!”―Leo Tolstoy

How could anyone fall for that?  How could I have been so foolish?  
Why do they believe such lies?  How could we have been conned like that?
There are emotionally manipulative people of varying degrees all around us.  
When we are young we like to think that we are immune to the psychological pressures that confuse, manipulate and condition other people.  We are not so gullible, are we?
But part of truly maturing as an individual involves understanding how you too are led by the environment, influenced by others, and driven by the needs you have as a human being.
Human beings can be manipulated precisely because we share innate psychological characteristics that render us ALL susceptible, to a point.  Although, like any other weakness, some people are naturally more prone to succumb, while others have higher levels of immunity to the external pressures that can make us do things we would normally never think of doing.

But assuming that we are already “immune” is naive and the surest path to being a victim of manipulation.  Let me give you a powerful example:
Reminder:  Have you checked out our book?  We just released a new bundle pack for “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently” which includes our eBook, audio book, paperback and bonus material on sale for a big discount.  

Emotionally Manipulated to Death
The day is November 18, 1978, and you’re in Guyana.  There you stand in the middle of Jonestown, a loyal member of Jim Jones’ cult known as “The People’s Temple”.  He commands you to drink a cup of poisonous, cyanide-laced Kool-Aid and take your own life.
What do you do?
Well of course you don’t do it, right?  Who is Jim Jones, or anyone for that matter, to tell you to end it all?  You are not a robot that can be ordered to kill yourself against your own will!  But an astounding 907 people simply followed his orders and died that fateful day.  And many of these people poisoned their children before they took their own lives.  People who wanted to live and wanted their children and spouses to live.
Why did these people do this?  Why did men and women, many college educated, allow themselves to be abused and brainwashed by this man?  Why did they agree to sell their homes and give all their possessions and money to “The People’s Temple” – an obvious cult?
Were these people of abnormally low intelligence?  Were they clinically insane?  Or was Jim Jones a highly skilled manipulator of human emotions?  Did he know exactly how to push a human being’s “buttons,” and string them along even to the extent that they would poison their own children before ending their own lives?

Either way, that was just “Jonestown”, right?  It was an isolated event.
Wrong!  “Jonestown” has happened numerous times throughout history – and it will happen again.  I bet you can think of other examples where people were willingly driven to their own demise.  It may not be “Jonestown” – it may go by a different name, but we see the same exact psychological mechanisms of manipulation in play.  Understanding these mechanisms can help immunize you not just to the grosser psychological manipulations of a wicked cult leader, but also to the more subtle psychological conditioning that we all encounter as part of everyday life.
We All Have Basic Human Needs
Jim Jones was a master of deceiving people by appearing to give them what they needed.  And this is the crucial point to grasp.  We all have innate human needs.  If your fundamental psychological needs as a human being are not being adequately met, then, unless you understand precisely what’s happening and respond appropriately, you will be motivated to latch on to any source that appears to satisfy these needs.

Some of your basic human needs include:
The security of a safe environment in which to grow.
A sense of autonomy and control of your life.
A sense of self-worth earned through creative problem solving and the achievement of personal goals.
Being part of a broader, likeminded community.
A sense of status within social groupings (which includes feeling important or respected in some way).
Being emotionally connected to certain people (family, friends, etc.).
Meaning and purpose arising from being able to make a difference.
Again, if any of these basic needs are not sufficiently met in your life, you will feel inexplicably attracted to anyone or anything that promises to supply what is lacking.  The awareness that this is happening can save you an incredible amount of trouble.
Many of Jim Jones’ devotees were drawn from a pool of disgruntled people who were not leading satisfying lives or meeting their basic needs in healthy ways.  People facing uncertain times or uncertain futures, people with low self-esteem and negative self-images, and so forth.  Jones held out the promise of certainty, social acceptance, community, self-respect, purpose and feelings of security inside his “temple.”  And there must have been some really deep seeded beliefs instilled in these people, because eventually they followed Jones, like some new-age Pied Piper, into oblivion.

Universal Applicability and Susceptibility
It’s rather easy to see that if your needs are not being adequately met in a healthy way, and someone or something comes along that promises to supply all of your needs in one convenient package, then that can seem pretty irresistible.
If you disagree, think about this: On a more conventional level, consider how many people feeling neglected in a marriage have a careless affair with someone because it was “so nice to be listened to, flattered, romanced, etc.”  The very same unconscious propulsion towards an affair like that might drive others into the arms of a cult (or even to buy a timeshare or a new wonder drug!)

Rational Justifications for Irrational Behavior
We all need some level of quality attention and strive to meet that need in various ways, but our thirst for it can blind us to the sleazy aspects of the person (or entity) that’s tempting us.  Our emotional drive is so powerful that it will enlist the help of the conscious mind to invent compelling, logical arguments to support what we feel compelled to do.  Jim Jones’ devotees too would certainly have developed a belief system around the cult, and they wholeheartedly believed that they had rational arguments for sticking with it.
It’s easy to say afterwards, “How could I have been so foolish?”  But extreme incidents like the Jonestown massacre demonstrate just how mind-numbingly powerful the drive to meet our basic human needs is.  They can completely overwhelm clear thinking – just as a person dying of thirst in a desert might desperately put an ice-cold bottle of poison to their lips, if it were offered to them.

Weapons of Influence and Manipulation
Famous social psychologist Robert Cialdini conducted a study of how and why people comply (or buy) in business situations, and identified a set of principles which he called the “weapons of influence.”  Although he was looking at business related events and interactions, his principles apply equally well to unsuitable, manipulative relationships of any kind.  And if you look closely, it’s not hard to see the link between Cialdini’s principles and the basic needs I outlined above.
Cialdini’s weapons of influence:

Reciprocation – “But they’ve done so much for me!”  When you feel indebted to someone, then the law of reciprocation is influencing you.  Jim Jones constantly reminded his devotees of all he and “The People’s Temple” had done for them – how he had “saved them” and how they “owe” themselves to the “temple.”  If someone constantly reminds you how much they are doing or have done for you, they are being manipulative.  It runs all the way from free samples in product marketing/advertising to someone doing an unrequested favor for you just so they can ask you for a favor in return – the aim is to make you feel obligated to reciprocate.  (Read Influence: Psychology of Persuasion.)

Commitment and consistency – If people publicly commit verbally or in writing to an idea or goal, they are more likely to honor that commitment.  We like to appear consistent and dependable to both ourselves and others (think of the disapproval heaped upon politicians who change their minds).  To suddenly stop following orders or abandon once-deeply-held beliefs can simply feel impossible to many, even in the face of mounting evidence that disproves the belief.

Social proof – People will do things they see other people doing.  Period.  “A thousand other people can’t be wrong, right?”  or “If everyone else is doing it then it must be OK.”  This kind of thinking is how people get swayed into being “fashion victims” as well as “cult victims.”  And it’s complicated too, because this is not just thoughtless blindness on our part.  Hundreds of years ago, for human beings to survive in a world of predators, we had to form tight-knit social groups and look to others for behavioral cues.  This is still useful up to a point, but the manipulators of the world can easily use this to their advantage.

Authority – People will tend to obey authority figures, even if they are asked to perform unjust acts.  Authority figures come in many different flavors and facades (and Jim Jones was certainly naturally authoritative).

Likability – People are more easily persuaded and manipulated by other people whom they like.  But likable people might not do very likable things and that’s the problem.  Cialdini demonstrated that people tend to buy from people they like, or buy things people they like buy.  We also tend to like attractive people.  It’s no coincidence that cult leaders tend to be charismatic, likeable and attractive.  (Read How to Win Friends and Influence People.)

Scarcity - If something seems scarce, demand for it will increase.  “Limited time offer” or “while supplies last” or “only for the first 100 buyers” are all ways that the scarcity principle is used in marketing.  In manipulative relationships it may be used like this: “You will never meet anyone else like me!”  It’s subtle, but the implication is that I am rare, and therefore more valuable to you.  Jim Jones phrased it like this: “‘The People’s Temple’ is the only place you can be saved” – all cults will have a similar manipulative slogan.

4 Smart Ways to Protect Yourself
To protect yourself from the more excessive and evil manipulations of organizations and individuals, you need to:
Be aware that extreme “promise of gain” and “threat of loss” are basic universal tools for manipulating belief and behavior.
Understand that if your basic emotional and physical needs are not adequately met, you become more vulnerable to being manipulated by anyone willing to exploit this gap.  Just understanding this can help immunize you against becoming a victim.
Observe how Cialdini’s “weapons of influence” operate in everyday life (often in benign ways) and how they are indirectly linked to basic human needs.
Stay calm.  Breathe.  A calm mind can perceive the world much more clearly and objectively.

Most people and organizations are not actually out to exploit and manipulate others in an evil way, but as the unfortunate followers of Jim Jones discovered back in 1978, when they do, horrifying things can happen.
So… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  Live by choice, not by chance.  Make changes, not excuses.  Be motivated, not manipulated.  Work to excel, not compete.  Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.
And if you feel like you’re struggling with a manipulative relationship situation of any kind, know that you are not alone.  Many of us are right there with you, working things out for ourselves.  Stand strong!  Stay inspired!  This is precisely why Angel and I wrote our book, 1,000 Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently”.  It’s filled with short, concise tips on how to do just that.
The bottom line is that there are manipulative people in this world that will try to mess with your mind, but you can defend yourself.  It’s about arming yourself with awareness.
The floor is yours…
In what way have people tried to manipulate you?
When and how did you realize this?  What did you do about it?

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs: this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.      describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Monday, 6 October 2014

Trapped in the 1500’s in the Chapel of St John the Baptist.

My photograph of a comforting angel  in the Chapel of St John the Baptist, Wittlesford. UK

Trapped in the 1500’s in the Chapel of St John the Baptist.
M'reen Hunt

On occasions I have attended the South Cambridgeshire Business Coffee Morning –
such a mouthful and not a biscuit in sight!
This is held at the Holiday Inn Express which was built in the grounds of the Red Lion Hotel
that features beams carved  by the Carmelite monks of the 13th century.
This hotel is next door to the Chapel of St John the Baptist built in the start of the 1200’s.
Please remember that I was not aware of these dates as my story unfolds.

On my first meeting at the Red Lion,
I was aware that I simply had to visit the pub I could see out of the window.
Eventually I invited a friend to share lunch with me as I wanted someone ‘to watch my back’
as I  was unaware of why I needed to visit this venue.

Going through the door I was vaguely aware of the energy in this old building
but I was expecting ‘something’.
As said friend concentrated on his excellent lunch I started to shake increasingly
and eventually he noticed my reaction.
Either having received his acknowledgement or experiencing the full energy of the place
I was able to make friends with the energy and feel comfortable at the dining table.
With the meal over, I wandered around the area and found a corner that felt full of energy,
by this corner was a door described as the Monk’s door or stairs.

Some months later I notice that the Chapel’s door was ajar and was able
to again have lunch in the hotel. I went to ‘my’ corner and felt the expected energy.
However the chair was uncomfortable for my companion so we sat out in the sun for our lunch.
After lunch we visited the chapel which is a large empty building with a bench and two fire extinguishers, significant beams, some rather  battered stone windows, 
a couple of extra small doors, the piscina and another niches the use which I am unfamiliar.
Ah, they are the Sedilia, Aunbry and Easter Sepulchre(?) in the Chancel of the early 14th Century
addition to the building as the 13th century hospital became a free chapel.
The energy was very strong.
When my friend had left I went back into the chapel.
If I remember correctly and using a pendulum I asked the following questions.
Hi, my name is M’reen and does anyone want to speak to me. Yes.
Are you a man? Yes.
Are you a monk/priest or a member of the congregation? Congregation.
I worked back to the 1500’s.
Is there one of you or many? One.
Do you believe in God? No response.
I explained that there was no need to do what I suggested but it was useful to find out.
Was there a light … ? Yes.
Did the light feel welcoming and peaceful? Yes.
Was there someone waiting by the light? Yes.
Did he know that someone? No.
Did that person feel friendly, peaceful and welcoming? Yes.
Were there other energies in the chapel that wanting to go to the light? Yes.
If this is something you want to do then pass through to the light.
No response to any other questions.
The feeling didn’t immediately lift
so after a few moments I went to stand in the warm light streaming through a window.
I noticed that the light formed an angel which pleased me.
However try as I might I couldn’t find how an oblong window with a central column
and with the left bump removed leaving nothing to form a neck
could create two patches of light one of which looks like an angel.

This is not a full account of how one would work in such a situation.

Quite sometime later I asked an experienced dowser why the energies were there for me
to experience after all these centuries.
He suggested that they were waiting for me as I had been one of them.

The link shows my angel window. M'reen