'Divorce was thrown back and forth, becoming the trump card of threats'

'Divorce was thrown back and forth, becoming the trump card of threats' 

- How Relate saved my military marriage

He and I did things very quickly. We had our first date a few days after meeting, became engaged 

on a frosty Christmas morning a few months later and married whilst pregnant the following year. 

In the first eighteen months of marriage, we relocated with the military three times. It had been a whirlwind of wedding, morning sickness, work trips, packing, un-packing, hellos and goodbyes, births, becoming parents and yet more packing and unpacking. 

In the first couple of months, I threw myself into being the best darn housewife you could 

shake a tin of furniture polish at. The house gleamed and smelt of shake ’n vac, the dog 

was walked, cakes were baked, meals were prepared and Baby was happy and content, 

sleeping through the nights allowing He and I to eat dinner together most nights with a glass of wine. I smiled a lot. Because why wouldn’t I? It was all rather pretty on the outside.

"In the first couple of months I threw myself into being the best darn housewife you could shake a tin of furniture polish at."

What I wasn’t prepared to contend with was the resentment bubbling and fizzing inside me 

from my chest to the darkest depths of my soul. The finality of leaving MY job, MY city, MY friends, MY lifestyle. Where was MY medal?! Where was MY parade?! 

The fear of never, ever being able to identify with myself as a financially independent, ambitious, awesome, sexy woman again took my inner breath away. 

One sweltering late summer’s day, this all came convulsing out, spewing like hot lava 

from within -  frothing with anger and hurt and bitterness and resentment. The fury was unleashed. The injustice I had been feeling let itself known with an almighty roar. I missed having 

my own money, I missed my friends, I missed my spontaneity, I missed feeling important, 

I missed my soul feeling full of life, buzzing with excited energy and endless possibilities. 

The storm thundered through the balmy afternoon until the cool early evening, 

ending in a pile of heaving shoulders and panting, gasping sobs. We spent the night apart. 

The following day was one of mourning, for the both of us. It felt like the end. 

We had been, in one moment, best friends, giggling, sharing, dreaming – now, we were strangers who followed a daily routine, digging themselves deeper into the dark, musty rut.

Divorce was thrown back and forth, becoming the trump card of threats, until one day 

He and I took a leap of faith in each other, bound by the love for Baby, and found our saving grace: Relate Counselling.

The hour we spent with our Relate counsellor was the safest I had felt in a long time. 

My shoulders dropped and my face lost its pinched look. She mediated our conversations 

so that the end result was that we could both confidently lay bare our souls without getting defensive and flouncing out as had previously happened when we had attempted drunken self-counsel. 

"The hour we spent with our Relate counsellor was the safest I had felt in a long time."

She prompted with questions and acknowledged when each of us made valid points or contributions. It felt wonderful to have someone acknowledge that we were going through a rough patch 

and validated our thoughts and that it was so, utterly, completely normal.

Our arguments were normal and the topics of arguments were normal. 

My feelings of inadequateness and anxiety were normal. His feelings of regret and financial burdens were normal. Our fears and judgement were normal. Becoming a military wife does essentially mean losing a bit of yourself, because your life centres around your husband, his work and his priorities. NORMAL. She reminded us that it was Thursday, not Doomsday! 

What wasn’t normal was the lack of communication. Talk, people! 

Neither of us knew what the other felt, which is strange when you trust that person enough 

to take their name and create a new life with them, but out of fear of upsetting the boat 

you cannot have a chat about how you feel … or don’t feel?!

"Not only did I feel as if I could see my best friend again, but we also realised that we had to stop blaming each other for the current state of our relationship."

That damp Thursday evening walking away from the therapist’s office, we turned a corner, 

quite literally, into the closest pub for a nerve settling vino blanco. But figuratively too - not only did I feel as if I could see my best friend again, but we also realised that we had to stop blaming 

each other for the current state of our relationship 

and more importantly I had to stop blaming Him for my unhappiness. 

As much as the adjustment to becoming a military wife has been - and will continue to be – epic,

it has also dawned on me that I’ve been gifted the freedom and security to become whomever I want. Life is a long, luscious, exciting journey and you don’t have to fulfil all of your dreams immediately. 

It is a relief when you finally realise that. The anxiety in your soul dissipates.

For now, I’m working on being content with the fact that for the next few years 

I want to immerse myself in our Baby’s exploration of this wonderful world and fill our existence 

with adventures and stories and bubbles in the bath and nourishing our minds and bodies 

with good news and good food. And most importantly, so much laughter. 

http://www.relate.org.uk/blog/2015/4/27/divorce-was-thrown-back-and-forth-becoming-trump-card-threats-how-relate-saved-my-military-marriage

Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 

How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

www.facebook.com/mreenhunt

www.pinterest.com/mreenhunt

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com    for extra TCR information

www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com               which takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

How does hypnotherapy work?

How does hypnotherapy work? M’reen

Well, everything is about something else and without any artificial interventions such as medication, together, we help your subconscious and conscious minds to communicate freely and sort things out 

for your greatest benefit.

There really is no need to be held back by your past,                                                                                                           let it gently go and develop your own bright future. 

My expertise + your willingness = success.

You simply lie back with your eyes closed and simply let it flow, with no need to look at the issue,

as I talk to you weaving suggestion, metaphor and energy therapy.

Suggestion therapy: you accept yourself as … Great for habits, public speaking and much more. 

Metaphor: brilliant as you take what you need to resolve wide-ranging concerns in your life.

Energy: fantastic as your mind works like biological washing powder reaching

the entrenched grime and allowing it to be washed away.

Analytical therapy: successful as we go to the source of the problem and gently heal.

Your solutions lie within you.

I help you find the bridge between your conscious and subconscious minds.

Your problems and solutions are unique to you.

I facilitate only as your mind will not allow me to direct it.

The connection is missing between the logic of ‘I know this is stupid’ and the feeling of ‘I’m terrified’

and it’s my job to help you make this link as you are not aware of its existence, nor can the most sophisticated  microscope find it as it is pure energy, it found a way in so there is an easy way out.

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:

www.ourmindminds.blogspot.com               this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others. 

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com      describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Spitting feathers angry!!!!!!!!!!

Spitting feathers angry!!!!!!!!!!

M’reen Hunt (c) 

I was angry, so very, very, very  angry that words cannot describe how angry I was.

First some essential background.

I have a qualification in Dream Work and some famous author (it was a long time ago) dreamt 

that she was at dinner and that she hated with a passion the woman sat opposite to her.

She then realised that the woman was herself and that this was a dream.

With that realisation she knew that she could not physically hurt the woman opposite

she proceeded to beat her up reducing that part of herself to a mangled pulp.

As a counsellor; in ‘real’ life with such passion it may be suggested that a person take a Stanley knife and slash a photo to pieces as the person photographed cannot be injured.

As a hypnotherapist I may arrange that the offending person can be required to sit and listen

while the aggrieved can shout, kick, scream and physically beat up as much as they wish.

One client used to put offending people through a giant paper shredded on the beach. 

I often wondered how she managed when she met them later that day in the pub! 

The person required to sit and listen, often a parent, is usually shocked at the hurt

they have inflicted on their loved child and offer an explanation as to why and they then

beg forgiveness which is generally accepted. ‘Generally’ requires just a little more work.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning the action;

it means you letting go of the effect those actions previously had on your well being.

Back to my very deep anger.

Now I would deal with such anger in a different way

but all those years ago I used the skills I then had .

I forget my first foray. During my second piece of trance work (thinking of the picture) I really wanted to slash my former husband with a large shard of greenish glass. I wanted to cut him to miniscule shreds. But.  My goody two shoes self wouldn’t let me!!!!! This gremlin kept arguing that he 

was the best person he could be. (Thinking of the dream) I thought ‘just let me get him’!

No! You can’t. You are a nice person, nice people understand – and all that rubbish!

This argument went on for quite some time.

In the end I contented myself with putting him in a large skip and burying him with tons

of broken shards of ¼ to ½ inch thick glass. (Warning – DO NOT mess with mama bear!)

The next time I was simply far too angry to work with myself; so I took my issue to a fellow hypnotherapist who worked with my specific type of anger using TFT. This seemed to satisfy me.

However, a few years later I decided to make sure when working with a pair of Shaman.

Although my former husband had never physically abused me (in this life) I asked that any issues involving abuse were cleared. I don’t ‘see’ or ‘experience’ much when working with the Shaman,

just enough to be involved with the process. He or was it she journeyed for me hundreds of years ago to a severely abusive relationship where I was battered so much that I was unable to have children 

(I have three). The situation was that there was no point in running away as there was no way 

to support myself. But my former self had the guts to run away (good girl) but was unfortunately dragged back. I experienced myself as being dragged back by my long brown hair

however the Shaman said that it was long and black.

Six months later at the encouragement of our son, my former husband rang to say that he was sorry.

For myself, I admired his ability to contact me, but for me there was nothing to forgive.

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blog www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com 

which takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.

Anniversary stress and illness

                                                    This was my mum's night light.
                                                                M'reen Hunt (c) 

Anniversary illness and stress.

When my eldest daughter was 14 she went to Italy and had adventures that her life had not prepared her for. She coped exceptionally well and when she came home asked if she could visit a friend in the safe hamlet of Irwell Vale. I responded, “If you think you’re going out at this time of night lady you’ve got another think coming!” During the September of her return and the September’s for many years after I suffered extreme hair loss, this anniversary stress eventually migrated to October as it became less obvious until it expired completely. It’s a fact that alopecia can be stress induced; as losing your hair with worry or tearing your hair out is an turn of phrase that can be expressed in fact.

Also the longer your hair lies dormant the more colour it loses; as if I care.

I’ve read that someone’s hay fever was an anniversary stress response. This means that each year the anniversary of a stressful period is re-enacted.  Just think of bottled up emotions that cannot be expressed! A quick lifting of the head as you sniff and blink away your emotions, swollen red eyes that leak tears, a dribbley nose that requires lots of tissues, a tight throat that you can’t get your words of despair past and the held breath that tightens and lifts your chest.

When I did my Diploma in Counselling or maybe it was my Stress and Anxiety management course 

we were advised to ‘inoculate’ people for anniversary stress. I always did with the people I worked 

with for Victim Support and in private practice.

Speaking with a gardener he told me that for the last 15 years each October his brother went 

to the Doctor’s for an antidepressant course of medication that lasted till March as he had SAD.

SAD used to be diagnosed as depression until it was recognised as a separate issue. I asked him specifically what happened in October 15 years ago and he immediately told me of a stressful incident. I think rather than anti depressants his brother would be better served with working with 

the energy that is locking in and maintaining that stressful response that pops up each October.

For very sad reasons I did not want to travel over 200 miles during the Christmas snow conditions 

so my mind obligingly produced an infection of the soft pallet; that is the soft bit at the roof of your mouth. The circumstances were repeated the following year and the soft pallet infection provided the necessary excuse. By year 3 a practical situation had changed and I let go of the Christmas guilt trip, but I still had the infection and recognised that this was an anniversary stress and told myself that 

I simply refused to be ill and the infection lasted a few hours. In year 4 the infection only lasted minutes as I refused to succumb. This is quite easy as I’ve not had a cold for well over 10 years.

As soon as I’m aware of a cold coming on I repeatedly tell myself that I simply refuse to have a cold.

I admit there is a little gremlin whispering, ‘what if it doesn’t work this time?’ I reply with some trepidation that, ‘it would ruin my reputation.’ I continue to repeat these and a cold has always 

cleared in a few hours. Now I just need to master flu.

OK, not had flu for some years.

You can TCR specialist and language dictionaries that are spontaneously accessed.

I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 

How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

www.facebook.com/mreenhunt

www.pinterest.com/mreenhunt

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com  

All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.

Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster

www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com             take advantage of business experience and expertise.

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com       just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”