For whatever reason this notice reminds me of my
favourite Christmas song and that is of
Ertha Kitt singing Santa Baby,
Ertha Kitt was an ‘Old Fashioned
Girl’, a sensual person and very OTT with no need for overt crudity.
The transcribed notice rather spoils the effect, but here
goes.
HAZADOROUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL:
DISCOVERER: Adam
ANATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 55kg but known to vary from
45kg to 225kg.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES.
1.
Body surface normally covered with film of
powder and paint.
2.
Boils at absolutely nothing – freezes for no
apparent reason.
3.
Found in various grades ranging from virgin
material to common ore.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES.
1.
Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious
stones.
2.
Explodes spontaneously without reason or
warning.
3.
The most powerful money reducing agent known to
man.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
COMMON USE.
1.
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.
Can greatly aid relaxation.
3.
Can be a very effective cleansing agent.
………………………………………………………………………….
HAZARDS.
1.
Turns green when placed alongside a superior
model.
2.
Possession of more than one is possible but
specimens must never make eye contact.
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