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Changing Troublesome Self-Talk
Steve Andreas
In the 2 ½ minute video clip* below, you can view an example of a very elegant and rapid method for transforming a troublesome response to an inner voice, developed by Mel Davis in the UK.
The woman in this video had intense anxiety in a variety of situations in which
she said to herself internally, “I can’t do it.” I think you’ll find this rapid change method unique.
Notice that although she is
very aware of her feeling shifts,
she has no conscious
perception or understanding of how they were elicited.
Since most problems are
caused by unconscious processing, effective change work
must involve changes in the
unconscious aspects of our experiencing.
Despite this, a great deal
of “talk therapy” is directed at developing “insight”
or other conscious
understandings.
In the video clip I first
set the frame that all parts or aspects of ourselves have a positive intent,
and then offer her a series of instructions—some verbal, and some nonverbal—
directed at changing
nonverbal aspects of her experience of the sentence.
Writing what she says to
herself on the flip chart transfers the auditory dialogue
into a visual experience of
the words, which tends to remove the nonverbal tonality.
Changing “can’t” into “can
not” changes a constricting modal operator of impossibility
into one of possibility and
choice—she can always choose to not do it.
I also write her sentence in
a way that punctuates it differently, separating it into three pieces:
“I can,” “not,” and “do it.”
Finally, I change the
tonality of the first piece into a confident statement,
the second piece into a
rhetorical question, and the third into a command.
All these interventions
change nonverbal aspects of her sentence
in order to elicit
changes in her feeling response to
it.
In contrast, Cognitive
Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is widely considered the treatment
of choice when working with
internal dialogue—especially with anxiety or depression—
is entirely directed toward
the words of an internal voice.
CBT identifies and verbally
challenges cognitive distortions, such as overgeneralization
(“always,” “never”),
“shoulds” (modal operators of necessity), either/or polarized thinking,
jumping
to conclusions, etc. (here’s a more complete list).
CBT has the most research
supporting its effectiveness—though that is in the context
of multiple sessions,
usually ten or more. Some of its most well-known proponents
are Aaron Beck, his daughter
Judith Beck, and David Burns.
However, the words that
someone says to themselves are usually much less
emotionally troublesome than
the nonverbal elements of how the words are spoken—
the tempo, pitch,
intonation, accent, pauses, etc. that occur with the spoken word.
A familiar example is that
in English a question is indicated by a rising tonality
at the end of the sentence,
a command has a sinking tonality at the end,
and a statement does not
shift at the end.
If you ask a question with a sinking pitch at the end, it will be responded to as a
command.
If you make a statement with a rising pitch at the end it will be responded to as a
question.
Notice how you feel in
response to hearing a hard, screeching, high-pitched voice saying
the words, “I love you.” Or
try hearing a soft, deep, slow, “smiling” voice saying,
“You son of a bitch.”
Most
people will respond much more strongly to the nonverbal qualities than to the
words.
Another example of the importance
of the nonverbal is that a fast tempo indicates urgency,
while a slow tempo indicates
the opposite. This is the basis for Nick Kemp’s method
for changing the anxiety
created by an internal voice with a fast tempo.
These nonverbal components
often indicate the relationship between the speaker and listener.
If an ordinary sentence
like, “Please pass the salt” is said in a superior or scornful tone of voice,
that tonal quality is what elicits the troublesome emotional response.
Most people are usually much
less consciously aware of these nonverbal elements,
which are largely processed
and responded to unconsciously.
Although I have read fairly
widely in CBT, and have watched client sessions and videotaped
talks by major proponents, I
have yet to find any CBT methods that are directed toward
eliciting changes in the
nonverbal aspects of a troublesome internal voice.
If you know of any such CBT
interventions,
please email me with
specific examples or links to examples: andreas [at] qwest.net.
*This video clip is
excerpted from an online video training in methods for resolving
complex PTSD
entitled The PTSD Training.
**There are many more
examples of Mel Davis’ method, in chapter 11 of my book
Transforming Negative Self-Talk.
(Click on the “Look inside
the book” feature and sample parts of the book free.)
Norton has recently
published a sequel, MORE Transforming Negative Self-Talk.
(Again you can click on the
“Look inside the book” feature and sample parts of the book free.)
Both books have many additional ways to change nonverbal
aspects of an internal self-talk
to elicit changes in
emotional response very rapidly.
***I had previously used
Nick Kemp’s method with the woman in the video clip.
Follow-up during the
workshop and also some months later verified that she no longer had anxiety in
any of the contexts in which she had previously experienced it.
http://realpeoplepress.com/blog/changing-troublesome-self-talk
You
can TCR software and
engineering manuals for spontaneous recall
– or pass that exam.
I
can Turbo
Charge Read a
novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
I
can TCR an
instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember
what I’ve read.
Perhaps
you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All aspects of
regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo Charged
Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com
Personal business
development.
www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com
just for fun.
To quote the
Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll
go.”
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