Photo taken by M'reen
Gaze in a Crystal Ball or find Hidden Expectations effectively? M'reen
In this world of plastic surgery, Photoshop and
testimonials etc., I find an increasing pressure that can lead to
misunderstandings, assumptions and destroying guilt.
May I give some examples?
If the person with whom I have a relationship says that
they are cold I immediately jump up and turn up the heat. This is only polite
and considerate?
1.
I do not wonder why they have not taken
responsibility for themselves.
2.
I do not wonder why they have not considered my
comfort.
3.
I do not wonder if it is the physical
temperature that is too low
or what they may really need is a hug.
4.
I berate myself for not having a comfortable
temperature in the first place.
5.
I do not ask if the temperature is now
comfortable.
6.
My pride in freezing my butt off because I
thought the person’s comfort
was far more important than my
own has now been devalued.
7.
My resentment in having delicately shivered and
my discomfort not being noticed
increases in my obligation to
‘care’ for their comfort.
8.
Etc.
A classic is: does the toilet roll run over the top or
down the wall?
I’ve discovered that for me it depends on the physical
aspects of the toilet roll holder, wall and toilet.
A person was a down- the- wall guy and one day the toilet
paper rolled over the top.
‘Oh’, the thought was, ‘after 20 years I must have made a
mistake’ and put the toilet roll back down the wall from which it magically
escaped to roll over the top again.
Magic fairies? Or 20 odd years of one partner not
expressing themselves and being unable
to verbalise their feelings in this particular issue or
in the relationship in general?
Is war engaged, does one defer to the other with or
without resentment
or is this an opportunity for discussion and
understanding?
A compromise was arranged that did not deal with the
emotional energies being expressed.
The compromise? Whoever changed the roll arranged it to
their preference and that arrangement was respected and maybe that did deal
with those particular emotional energies.
Hidden
Expectations In
Life events.
Or
not only don’t expect your partner to use a crystal ball,
don’t use one yourself
when considering:
Marriage
Children Birth
Separation Divorce Relationship
Truth Sex Household jobs
Decisions Guilt Complements
etc.
Clarify your subconscious thoughts by honestly taking the
time to fill in this very private survey
of your subconscious mind.
The more difficult the answers are to find, then the
deeper you are delving.
What she wants of herself.
|
I want to climb the career ladder.
|
What she expects of her.
|
Three children before I’m 30.
|
What she wants of him.
|
To be a full time father and share chores
|
What she expects of him.
|
Earn enough money for a live in nanny.
|
What she thinks he wants of her.
|
To be happy and pretty.
|
What she thinks he expects of her.
|
To be the perfect society hostess.
|
What she thinks he thinks she wants.
|
To be protected from…
|
What she thinks he thinks she expects.
|
To move up in society
|
Conscious Expects > generally the (outside of
ourselves) expectation of others.
|
|
Subconscious Wants > our
deep inner needs that may make no sense at all.
|
|
Then, if it is appropriate, ask the other person/s to
share some or all of their findings.
Take one of
your wants or expectation and find as many reasons for it as you can.
The more you find then the better and deeper will be
your understanding
|
|
a) Cares about
his physical, emotional and spiritual health.
|
***
|
b) He is able to
express his thoughts and feelings.
|
**
|
c) He is secure
in his sexuality.
|
|
d) Has a
compatible sense of humour.
|
|
e) To be able to
dance would be nice.
|
|
f) Is creative.
|
|
g) We have compatible aesthetic tastes.
|
|
h)
|
|
i)
|
|
Etc.
|
|
You have probably created this list with the first things
that have come to mind
and so you think that this list is naturally in order of
importance.
You could be in
for a big surprise!
Now take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or b? B,
so put a tick in b
Take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or c? A, so
put a tick in a
Take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or d? A, so
put a tick in a
Take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or e? A, so
put a tick in a
Work down to ‘g’ or your last point if you can come up
with a much longer list that this.
Now take ‘b’ and
tick which is most important ‘b’ or ‘c’? B, so put a tick in b
Continue with ‘b’
to the end and then start on ‘c’ to the end, etc.
Now you can add up how many ticks each statement has and
feel very sure that this is your hierarchy of needs with the most important
need having the most ticks.
These are two clarifying exercises we might use in Life
Coaching or Stress and Anxiety Management,
I learned the first one when I studied psycho/sexual
hypnotherapy.
They quickly find the most important areas to consider in
your relationship with yourself,
your partner/s in life, family, work etc. and your future
aspirations.
Turbo Charged Reading: Read
fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later
You can TCR music, poetry or self development material for internal knowing.
I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times
faster and remember what I’ve read.
I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times
faster and remember what I’ve
read.
Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All
aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo
Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com
Personal business
development.
www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com
just for fun.
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more
things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”
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