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Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Gaze in a Crystal Ball or find Hidden Expectations effectively?

Photo taken by M'reen

Gaze in a Crystal Ball or find Hidden Expectations effectively? M'reen

In this world of plastic surgery, Photoshop and testimonials etc., I find an increasing pressure that can lead to misunderstandings, assumptions and destroying guilt.
May I give some examples?

If the person with whom I have a relationship says that they are cold I immediately jump up and turn up the heat. This is only polite and considerate?
1.       I do not wonder why they have not taken responsibility for themselves.
2.       I do not wonder why they have not considered my comfort.
3.       I do not wonder if it is the physical temperature that is too low
        or what they may really need is a hug.
4.       I berate myself for not having a comfortable temperature in the first place.
5.       I do not ask if the temperature is now comfortable.
6.       My pride in freezing my butt off because I thought the person’s comfort
  was far more important than my own has now been devalued.
7.       My resentment in having delicately shivered and my discomfort not being noticed
  increases in my obligation to ‘care’ for their comfort.
8.       Etc.

A classic is: does the toilet roll run over the top or down the wall?
I’ve discovered that for me it depends on the physical aspects of the toilet roll holder, wall and toilet.
A person was a down- the- wall guy and one day the toilet paper rolled over the top.
‘Oh’, the thought was, ‘after 20 years I must have made a mistake’ and put the toilet roll back down the wall from which it magically escaped to roll over the top again.
Magic fairies? Or 20 odd years of one partner not expressing themselves and being unable
to verbalise their feelings in this particular issue or in the relationship in general?
Is war engaged, does one defer to the other with or without resentment
or is this an opportunity for discussion and understanding?
A compromise was arranged that did not deal with the emotional energies being expressed.
The compromise? Whoever changed the roll arranged it to their preference and that arrangement was respected and maybe that did deal with those particular emotional energies.

Hidden Expectations     In    Life events.
Or  
not only don’t expect your partner to use a crystal ball,
don’t use one yourself  when considering:
Marriage      Children      Birth    
   Separation     Divorce      Relationship
       Truth              Sex              Household jobs
           Decisions       Guilt              Complements  
                 etc.    

Clarify your subconscious thoughts by honestly taking the time to fill in this very private survey
of your subconscious mind.
The more difficult the answers are to find, then the deeper you are delving.
What she wants of herself.                         
I want to climb the career ladder.
What she expects of her.                            
Three children before I’m 30.
What she wants of him.                              
To be a full time father and share chores
What she expects of him.                            
Earn enough money for a live in nanny.
What she thinks he wants of her.              
To be happy and pretty.
What she thinks he expects of her.          
To be the perfect society hostess.
What she thinks he thinks she wants.    
To be protected from…
What she thinks he thinks she expects.
To move up in society

Conscious Expects > generally the (outside of ourselves) expectation of others.  
Subconscious Wants > our deep inner needs that may make no sense at all.         
Then, if it is appropriate, ask the other person/s to share some or all of their findings.


Take one of your wants or expectation and find as many reasons for it as you can.
The more you find then the better and deeper will be your understanding
 a) Cares about his physical, emotional and spiritual health.
***
 b) He is able to express his thoughts and feelings.
**
 c) He is secure in his sexuality.

 d) Has a compatible sense of humour.

 e) To be able to dance would be nice.

 f) Is creative.

g) We have compatible aesthetic tastes.

h)

 i)

Etc.


You have probably created this list with the first things that have come to mind
and so you think that this list is naturally in order of importance.
 You could be in for a big surprise!

Now take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or b? B, so put a tick in b
Take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or c? A, so put a tick in a
Take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or d? A, so put a tick in a
Take ‘a’ and tick which is most important a or e? A, so put a tick in a
Work down to ‘g’ or your last point if you can come up with a much longer list that this.
 
 Now take ‘b’ and tick which is most important ‘b’ or ‘c’? B, so put a tick in b
 Continue with ‘b’ to the end and then start on ‘c’ to the end, etc.
Now you can add up how many ticks each statement has and feel very sure that this is your hierarchy of needs with the most important need having the most ticks.

These are two clarifying exercises we might use in Life Coaching or Stress and Anxiety Management,
I learned the first one when I studied psycho/sexual hypnotherapy.
They quickly find the most important areas to consider in your relationship with yourself,
your partner/s in life, family, work etc. and your future aspirations.

Turbo Charged Reading: Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later

You can TCR music, poetry or self development material for internal knowing.
I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube  
How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com               Personal business development.
www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

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