9 Strategies To Deal With Difficult People At Work

One of the Crane's bill.

9 Strategies To Deal With Difficult People At Work

Celestine Chua.

Ever encountered someone who frustrates you so much that you feel like you want to pull your hair, jump around the room and just scream out loud? You’re not alone.

Over the years, I’ve encountered my fair share of difficult people.

People who don’t turn their work in as promised, people who don’t show up for meetings,

people who stick vehemently to their views and refuse to collaborate,

people who push back on work that they’re responsible for – and more.

Even as I run my own business, I work on collaboration projects and there are times

where there are difficulties in getting a consensus because everyone is so firm in their views.

Years ago, I used to get bothered and worked up over such situations.

I’d think, “Why are these people being so difficult?”, “These people are so irresponsible!”,

“Just my luck to work with them” or “I don’t ever want to work with these people again!”.

After a while, I learned that these people are everywhere. No matter where you go,

you can never hide from them. Sure, it might be possible to avoid the 1st one or two difficult people, but how about the 3rd, 5th, 10th person you encounter? Hiding isn’t a permanent solution.

What’s more, in the context of work, it’s usually difficult to avoid or hide from someone,

unless you quit from a job totally. Well – I don’t know about you,

but it doesn’t seem feasible to quit every time someone has an opposing view or is being difficult.

So rather than turn to some drastic decisions each time,

why not equip yourself with the skills to deal with them?

Here’s 9 tips which I’ve found to work in dealing with such people:

Be calm.
Losing your temper and flaring out at the other person typically isn’t the best way to get him/her

to collaborate with you. Unless you know that anger will trigger the person into action

and you are consciously using it as a strategy to move him/her, it is better to assume a calm persona.

Someone who is calm is seen as being in control, centered and more respectable.

Would you prefer to work with someone who is predominantly calm or someone

who is always on edge? When the person you are dealing with sees that you are calm despite whatever he/she is doing, you will start getting their attention.

Understand the person’s intentions.
I’d like to believe that no one is difficult for the sake of being difficult. Even when it may seem

that the person is just out to get you, there is always some underlying reason

that is motivating them to act this way. Rarely is this motivation apparent.

Try to identify the person’s trigger: What is making him/her act in this manner?

What is stopping him/her from cooperating with you?

How can you help to meet his/her needs and resolve the situation? 

Get some perspective from others.
In all likelihood, your colleagues, managers and friends must have experienced similar situations

in some way or another. They will be able to see things from a different angle and offer a different take on the situation. Seek them out, share your story and listen to what they have to say.

You might very well find some golden advice in amidst of the conversation. 

Don’t stop now. We are just getting going and there are more useful workplace strategies ahead.

Let the person know where you are coming from.
One thing that has worked for me is to let the person know my intentions behind what I am doing. Sometimes, they are being resistant because they think that you are just being difficult with them. Letting them in on the reason behind your actions and the full background of what is happening

will enable them to empathize with your situation. This lets them get them on-board much easier.

Build a rapport.
With all the computers, emails and messaging systems, work sometimes turn into a mechanical process. Re-instill the human touch by connecting with your colleagues on a personal level.

Go out with them for lunches or dinners. Get to know them as people, and not colleagues.

Learn more about their hobbies, their family, their lives. Foster strong connections.

These will go a long way in your work.

Treat the person with respect.
No one likes to be treated as if he/she is stupid/incapable/incompetent. If you are going to treat

the person with disrespect, it’s not going to be surprising if he/she treats you the same way as well. As the golden rule says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Focus on what can be actioned upon.
Sometimes, you may be put into hot soup by your difficult colleagues,

such as not receiving a piece of work they promised to give

or being wrongly held responsible for something you didn’t do.

Whatever it is, acknowledge that the situation has already occurred.

Rather than harp on what you cannot change,

focus on the actionable steps you can take to forward yourself in the situation.

Ignore.
If you have already tried everything above and the person is still not being receptive,

the best way might be to just ignore. After all, you have already done all that you can

within your means. Get on your daily tasks and interface with the person only where needed.

Of course, this isn’t feasible in cases where the person plays a critical role in your work

 – which leads us to our last tip.

Escalate to a higher authority for resolution.
When all else fails, escalate to your manager. This is considered the trump card

and shouldn’t be used unless you’ve completely exhausted your means. Sometimes, the only way

to get someone moving is through the top-down approach, especially in bureaucratic organizations. Be careful not to exercise this option all the time as you wouldn’t want your manager

to think that you are incapable of handling your own problems.

I have done this several times in my previous job and I found it to be the most effective

in moving people who just refuse to cooperate otherwise.

Try out these 9 tips for the difficult people you face at your workplace

and see how they work out for you 

http://www.dumblittleman.com/9-useful-strategies-to-dealing-with/

Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later

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You can TCR software and engineering manuals for spontaneous recall – or pass that exam.

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To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

6 Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

6 Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

Therese J. Borchard 

Gratitude and appreciation are two powerful weapons we can use against depression and anxiety.

In fact, Dan Baker writes in his book, What Happy People Know,

that it is impossible to be in a state of appreciation and fear at the same time.

Here, then, are some ways we can cultivate gratitude.

1. Keep a gratitude journal.

According to psychologists such as Sonja Lyubomirsky at the University of California-Riverside, keeping a gratitude journal —where you record once a week all the things you have to be grateful for — and other gratitude exercises can increase your energy, and relieve pain and fatigue.

In my daily mood journal, I make a list of each day’s “little joys,” moments that I would fail

to appreciate if I didn’t make myself record them, such as: “holding my daughter’s hand

on the way to the car,” “a hot shower,” “helping my son with his homework.”

This exercise reminds me of all the blessings in my life I take for granted

and encourages me to appreciate those mundane moments that can be sources of joy.

2. Use the right words.

According to Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman, words literally can change

your brain. In their book, Words Can Change Your Brain, they write: “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.”

Positive words, such as “peace” and “love,” can alter the expression of genes,

strengthening areas in our frontal lobes and promoting the brain’s cognitive functioning. 

According to the authors, they propel the motivational centers of the brain into action

and build resiliency.

3. Remember.

“Gratitude is the heart’s memory,” says the French proverb.

Therefore, one of the first steps to thankfulness is to remember those in our lives

who have walked with us and shown kindness for deeds big and small.

I have been extremely fortunate to have so many positive mentors in my life.

At every scary crossroad, there was a guardian or messenger there to help me find my way.

The mere exercise of remembering such people can cultivate gratitude in your life.

4. Write thank-you letters.

According to psychologist Robert Emmons at the University of California at Davis,

author of Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, 

a powerful exercise to cultivate gratitude is to compose a “gratitude letter” to a person

who has made a positive and lasting influence in your life.

Emmons says the letter is especially powerful when you have not properly thanked the person

in the past, and when you read the letter aloud to the person face to face.

I do this as part of my holiday cards, especially to former professors or teachers

who helped shape my future and inspired me in ways they might not know.

 5. Hang with the winners.

Peer pressure never really goes away, you know. Studies show that married folks

hanging out with happy couples are more likely to stay married themselves;

that if your friends eat well, their willpower will rub off on you;

and that if you surround yourself with optimists, you will end up more positive

than if you keep company with a bunch of whiners. By merely sitting next to a person who likes   the words “thank you,” there is a high probability that you will start using those words as well.

6. Give back.

A while back I wanted to repay a former professor of mine for all his encouragement and support to me throughout the years. However, nothing I could do would match his kindness.

No letter of appreciation. No visit to his classrooms. So I decided I would help some young girl   who fell into my path in the same way that he helped me.

I would try to help and inspire this lost person just as he had done for me.

Giving back doesn’t mean reciprocating favors so that everything is fair and the tally is even. That’s the beauty of giving. If someone does an act of kindness for you,

one way to say thanks is to do the same for another.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/12/28/6-ways-to-cultivate-gratitude/

Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later

Contact M’reen at: read@turbochargedreading.com

You can TCR specialist and language dictionaries that are spontaneously accessed.

I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 

How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

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Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:

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All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.

Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster

www.ourbusinessminds.blogspot.com   development, growth, management. www.mreenhunthappyartaccidents.blogspot.com      just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

7 Ways To Truly Master Your Own Mind

Perennial cornflower. 

7 Ways To Truly Master Your Own Mind

Dumb Little Man  SJW

A few weeks ago, I met up with an acquaintance, B, for lunch.

Throughout the lunch, I couldn’t help but feel there was some sort of communication breakdown. 

He would cut me off even though I was still talking. He kept offering unwanted advice and opinions, even though I was not asking for help. It became quite frustrating just 15 minutes into

the conversation. After 30 minutes, I stopped sharing and nodded away to everything he said.

After the meet-up, I reflected over the situation.

It was clear that there were fundamental problems in the communication.

For one, there was a lack of active listening on B’s part. He didn’t sense I wasn’t asking

for his opinions and kept pushing his way through even when I was shutting out.

Unfortunately, he came across the wrong way even though he had his best intentions.

On my end, I was too single-minded in my communication to receive B’s well-intended advice.

I was only looking for certain responses, and when he didn’t respond in that manner, 

I began to tune out of the conversation.

It’s easy for us to accuse others of being poor communicators, poor listeners or poor speakers,

but the thing about communication is that it’s not one-sided – it’s 2-way. You can’t accuse someone of being a poor communicator without you being a poor communicator yourself.

Through this experience, I learned 10 important keys of communication

which I’d like to share with you here:

Be receptive to what others say

While it’s good to enter the communication with a clear objective of what you want, don’t be

so focused on it that you tune out on important messages the person is trying to communicate.

Don’t expect the answers to come in a certain manner and certain style.

Have a focus and at the same time keep your mind open.

Even if the people come across as critical, learn to deal with critical people and be open to criticism. Many people are quick to shut out criticisms but in the process they lose out

on a lot of valuable advice and feedback. Don’t take criticisms personally.

Look for the message in the criticisms instead. Ask yourself: “What made the person say this?

What lessons can I take away from this? How does this relate to my situation?”

With an open mind, you can have more answers to what you seek.

Look out for the subtext

Subtext is the underlying message of the communication. It’s more well-known as

“reading between the lines”. Many misunderstandings between people

(especially between females and males) occur because they take each other too literally,

vis-a-vis responding to the subtexts.

To sieve out subtexts accurately, you have to listen actively to what’s communicated

and be observant. Watch out for hand gestures, body language, speed of voice and tonality of voice.

The most important points of the communication are usually not openly articulated.

Knowing how to read the subtext will take you a long way in building great relationships.

Be positive

By being positive, it means to be generous with your emotions, such as love and kindness.

Have you ever communicated with emotionally stingy people? These people are critical all the time. They keep harping on a small mistake and pinpointing every “issue” they can find.

 It feels suffocating and draining to be around them.

On the other hand, being an emotionally generous person makes you more endearing to be around. Focus more on the positive areas and not the negative ones. 

Have genuine care and concern for the person’s well-being. Give praise where it’s deserved.

People will look forward to interacting with you because they feel happier and uplifted doing so.

Respect the person

Any successful communication can only take place with mutual respect.

If you don’t respect the person first and foremost, it’ll show itself during the conversation.

Acknowledge the person’s background, expertise and capabilities. Acknowledge the person’s position as the owner of his/her life. Even if it’s a colleague you dislike, respect him/her

 for what he/she has done. How do you feel if the people who speak to you don’t respect you? 

That’s going to be how the other party feels.

Not only that, you can’t expect others to respect you if you don’t first respect them, can you?

Maintain eye contact

Looking at the speaker in the eye is a reassuring way of letting the person know you are there

and listening. You don’t have to be staring 100% of the time. Just maintain the gaze long enough whenever he/she looks over, and give a reaffirming nod every once in a while.

You don’t want him/her thinking you are zoning out when you are really listening.

Don’t interrupt the person (unless there is good reason)

Don’t cut in unnecessarily. Even if the person is long-winded,

at the very least give him/her a few chances to fully express himself/herself before jumping in. Sometimes, you may think you know what the person is going to say next,

but you may actually be wrong. There have been times when the other party says something

that’s completely different from what I thought he/she would say.

I’ve been out with people who are extremely long-winded – they can literally go on-and-on

for 30 minutes, talking and talking, without realizing the people around have switched off.

When you face such people, let them finish talking for the first few times.

If subsequent replies are as lengthy, then chances are the person is very fogged up in his/her thinking pattern. Help him/her zoom down to the answer through the right questions. (Tip #9)

When in doubt, ask

It’s easy to assume, but as the old saying goes, when you assume, you make an ASS out of 

U and ME. Everyone you talk to is a whole new person, so don’t think what applies to person X

will automatically apply to person Y too. Erase all beliefs you formed of others

and start off the communication on a whole new slate. When in doubt, ask for more details.

Get all the facts before making any conclusion.

A good habit is to ask a clarifying question every time the person finishes talking so you know you got the right message. This goes a long way in a good conversation (and relationship).

Mirror the person

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person copies another person usually while in social interaction with them. It may include miming gestures, movements, body language, muscle tensions, expressions, tones, eye movements, breathing, tempo, accent, attitude, choice of words/metaphors and other aspects of communication. (Wikipedia)

Mirroring is more of a strategy to facilitate communication, rather than the key to

good communication. Avoid relying on it solely, and don’t overdo it too. Trying to mirror someone 100% will only make you look like an empty shell. That being said, mirroring does help you

to ease into the right “state” for communication. The next time you speak to someone,

try to mirror the key body movements. If the person is sitting in a slouched position,

slouch and match your eye at the same level. If the person is smiling, smile along with him/her.

This will encourage him/her to open up more.

To get the right answers, ask the right questions

Every conversation is made up of questions and answers. Being a better communicator requires you to know what are the right questions to ask, so you can forward the conversation the right way.

The direction of the conversation and the type of answers you get is dependent on

the quality of your questions.

There are several types of questions.

The 1st is open questions. You ask these when you want the person to openly share about something. Example: “What happened?” or “How did the meeting go?”.

The 2nd is probing questions. These are pin-pointed to uncover more about a particular topic.

For example: “What made you think this way?”, “What are you unhappy about?”

 or “What did he do to you?”.

The 3rd is close-ended questions. You ask these to get a quick yes/no answer on areas

 you already have specific thoughts on. These help to advance the conversation quickly.

Using a combination of these questions help you create the best communication experience.

Connect with genuinity

Ultimately, it’s all about genuine connection. As long as you are communicating

with the best intentions, and a sincere desire to know the person better, nothing can go wrong. 

When I talk to others, I prefer to let my best intentions guide me, and leave other technicalities

as secondary. I find that’s the most effective way to reach out. For example, even though

I’ve never studied NLP on a professional level, I found that many things I intuitively do

in communication are in line with what is taught in NLP (such as mirroring, matching).

In the end, let your heart lead the way and the rest will follow.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/10-keys-to-be-becoming-better/

Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later

You can TCR software and engineering manuals for spontaneous recall – or pass that exam.

I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube  

How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

www.facebook.com/mreenhunt

www.pinterest.com/mreenhunt

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com    

All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.

Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster

www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com               Personal business development.

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com        just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

616 Why are you Addicted? How to free yourself by changing your mind. Faster EFT tapping solution.

Sanfoin.

Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later

You can TCR music, poetry or self development material for internal knowing.

I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.

Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube  

How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

www.facebook.com/mreenhunt

www.pinterest.com/mreenhunt

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com    

All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.

Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster

www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com               Personal business development.

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”