These steps may be a little difficult at first, but you can re-enter a conversation with grace. M'reen
How to say what you need to say.
M’reen
Re-enter the Conversation.
This can be done physically with kids and even adults or
verbally if that is more appropriate.
When things are going wrong and you are digging yourself
in deeper say something along the lines of: ‘I need to stop, go out of the door
and come back in with a different attitude/approach/ clearer head.’ You may or
may not want to gain the agreement of the person you are talking with that this
is an acceptable arrangement. This enables the person you are talking with to
also accept that it is OK
to be wrong, it is OK to reconsider and that it’s OK to
take a time out. But.
That your priority is to do what is necessary to resolve
this issue to the best benefit for all.
An alternative I’ve used when we’ve both been standing is
to say, “Let’s sit down and discuss this.”
I then sat down in someone else’s establishment and
invited then to sit also. This time and action space enabled a break in the
‘going wrong’ part of the negotiations; it also put me in the lead position
offering a solution to our mutual agreement.
Make like a Broken Record.
that is stuck on one point that repeats and repeats.
“No, I can’t on Friday.”
This is a flat statement of fact that is non-negotiable.
It may be said with a sad shake of the head,
a quick look up as if you are consulting some internal
diary.
No ‘why’ you can’t as that leads to a debate regarding
your reasons.
Each time you are asked you simply repeat: “No, I can’t on
Friday.”
Most people give up after 3 repeats, the really ‘orrible
may take 7 or even more repetitions.
By this time you can have a smile in your eyes as you
continue with: “No, I can’t on Friday.”
This is not a contest with you getting angry or stubborn,
just you are simply patiently waiting
for the other to respect your declaration. There is no
reason for you to justify, to give a reason.
If it is true, you might want to say: “No, I can’t on
Friday but Saturday or Tuesday are possibilities.”
Salesmen are trained to ‘overcome’ these ‘objections’
often by going off track and asking
other questions that often beg a positive
response from you. Regardless what is asked
you continue with a persistent and unchanging: “No, I can’t on Friday.” You
may preface this new
attack with “I hear you but, No, I can’t on Friday.” Or “I
understand but No, I can’t on Friday.”
This is like the silent air during a TV or Radio
interview, it is going nowhere fast.
The problem is we’ve been trained from childhood to answer
questions, to be polite,
to be accommodating. So you will probably have to practice
this quite a few times.
If there are no real life opportunities then practice with
a character in a novel, film or soap opera.
Make a Sandwich.
You need to say something that may be negative or
unpleasant,
so sandwich it between two positive slices.
This can be useful in verbal or written
correspondence.
(I still like: I could agree with you but then we’d both
be wrong’;
I’m told of a lawyer who is itching to use this in court!)
When asked to increase your work load you could comment on
(positive) how useful the project is
then (negative) make a statement that you unfortunately
cannot be involves at this point in time
and then follow it by (positive) how
much you look forward to the project being completed
because of
its benefits.
This is a complete and final statement saying that you
cannot be involved.
This also affirms that this problem is not yours to
resolve.
Again this takes a little practice and thought. But when I
was a child I was given some Dutch Drops (whatever they might be) 2 or 3 black
drops on a huge spoonful of sugar with another spoonful of sugar to follow.
Once you get this picture/experience, or the sandwich picture/production or some
other sequence that works for you then you will find it easier to make this
sequence your own.
‘Speak to the Hand ‘cos the Head ain’t Listening’.
There is more to this than meets the eye.
When you raise your hand up next to your head you are
energetically doing two things.
You are forming an energy shield – stop!
And the other’s eye and attention is directed away from
you.
They may even be slightly shocked, that is taken aback, their
pattern broken somewhat.
You are clearly demonstrating that you do not accept
whatever is being said but they can go on ahead and say it if they want, but
that it is pointless as you’ve already rejected the message.
If this is with someone you couldn’t possibly do this to;
then DO IT IN YOUR MIND.
It gives you a power, a protected shielded attitude.
I have done something similar in a very distressing
situation. I just drew my hand down completely from the top of me to the bottom
thus separating the person from me.
This is copying the exaggerated bow with your hand out
that one gives to one’s ruler;
in effect you bring that person’s energy down.
Conversely if you bring your hand up, say, to sweep your
hair back you raise your own energy.
Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more
things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”
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