Monday, 28 April 2014
How to say what you need to say.
These steps may be a little difficult at first, but you can re-enter a conversation with grace. M'reen
How to say what you need to say.
Re-enter the Conversation.
This can be done physically with kids and even adults or verbally if that is more appropriate.
When things are going wrong and you are digging yourself in deeper say something along the lines of: ‘I need to stop, go out of the door and come back in with a different attitude/approach/ clearer head.’ You may or may not want to gain the agreement of the person you are talking with that this is an acceptable arrangement. This enables the person you are talking with to also accept that it is OK
to be wrong, it is OK to reconsider and that it’s OK to take a time out. But.
That your priority is to do what is necessary to resolve this issue to the best benefit for all.
An alternative I’ve used when we’ve both been standing is to say, “Let’s sit down and discuss this.”
I then sat down in someone else’s establishment and invited then to sit also. This time and action space enabled a break in the ‘going wrong’ part of the negotiations; it also put me in the lead position offering a solution to our mutual agreement.
Make like a Broken Record.
that is stuck on one point that repeats and repeats.
“No, I can’t on Friday.”
This is a flat statement of fact that is non-negotiable.
It may be said with a sad shake of the head,
a quick look up as if you are consulting some internal diary.
No ‘why’ you can’t as that leads to a debate regarding your reasons.
Each time you are asked you simply repeat: “No, I can’t on Friday.”
Most people give up after 3 repeats, the really ‘orrible may take 7 or even more repetitions.
By this time you can have a smile in your eyes as you continue with: “No, I can’t on Friday.”
This is not a contest with you getting angry or stubborn, just you are simply patiently waiting
for the other to respect your declaration. There is no reason for you to justify, to give a reason.
If it is true, you might want to say: “No, I can’t on Friday but Saturday or Tuesday are possibilities.”
Salesmen are trained to ‘overcome’ these ‘objections’ often by going off track and asking
other questions that often beg a positive response from you. Regardless what is asked
you continue with a persistent and unchanging: “No, I can’t on Friday.” You may preface this new
attack with “I hear you but, No, I can’t on Friday.” Or “I understand but No, I can’t on Friday.”
This is like the silent air during a TV or Radio interview, it is going nowhere fast.
The problem is we’ve been trained from childhood to answer questions, to be polite,
to be accommodating. So you will probably have to practice this quite a few times.
If there are no real life opportunities then practice with a character in a novel, film or soap opera.
Make a Sandwich.
You need to say something that may be negative or unpleasant,
so sandwich it between two positive slices.
This can be useful in verbal or written correspondence.
(I still like: I could agree with you but then we’d both be wrong’;
I’m told of a lawyer who is itching to use this in court!)
When asked to increase your work load you could comment on (positive) how useful the project is
then (negative) make a statement that you unfortunately cannot be involves at this point in time
and then follow it by (positive) how much you look forward to the project being completed
because of its benefits.
This is a complete and final statement saying that you cannot be involved.
This also affirms that this problem is not yours to resolve.
Again this takes a little practice and thought. But when I was a child I was given some Dutch Drops (whatever they might be) 2 or 3 black drops on a huge spoonful of sugar with another spoonful of sugar to follow. Once you get this picture/experience, or the sandwich picture/production or some other sequence that works for you then you will find it easier to make this sequence your own.
‘Speak to the Hand ‘cos the Head ain’t Listening’.
There is more to this than meets the eye.
When you raise your hand up next to your head you are energetically doing two things.
You are forming an energy shield – stop!
And the other’s eye and attention is directed away from you.
They may even be slightly shocked, that is taken aback, their pattern broken somewhat.
You are clearly demonstrating that you do not accept whatever is being said but they can go on ahead and say it if they want, but that it is pointless as you’ve already rejected the message.
If this is with someone you couldn’t possibly do this to; then DO IT IN YOUR MIND.
It gives you a power, a protected shielded attitude.
I have done something similar in a very distressing situation. I just drew my hand down completely from the top of me to the bottom thus separating the person from me.
This is copying the exaggerated bow with your hand out that one gives to one’s ruler;
in effect you bring that person’s energy down.
Conversely if you bring your hand up, say, to sweep your hair back you raise your own energy.
Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
www.ourmindminds.blogspot.com this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.
www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.
www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com just for fun.
www.turbochargedreading.com for your advanced reading techniques
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”