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Friday, 18 March 2016

10 Things You Don’t Need Anyone’s Approval For (Though You Think You Do) Oskar Nowik

Grandmother's nightcap aka water aven.

10 Things You Don’t Need Anyone’s Approval For (Though You Think You Do)
Oskar Nowik

You are probably a free person with access to the global Internet and similar luxuries.
However, there’s one thing that’s dangerous to your freedom.
It’s their seeking for other people’s approval. Plenty of folks base their own lives
on the opinions of others, afraid to lose validation and be criticized.
To me, it’s a deadly disease that paralyzes your ability to pursue your dreams.
Fortunately, it’s curable so anyone can reclaim their freedom.
If you are an unconfident person who often isn’t authentic in order to please other people
and you’d like to change it, you are in the right place. Over time, you’ll laugh at your past fears
and proudly follow your intuition in lieu of sticking to outdated dogmas.

1. You don’t need approval for changing your style.
Let’s begin with the appearance. Are you bored with your current look and you’d like to
transform your image? You’d like to make a change, but people are used to your current presence and a drastic modification will definitely draw attention. You know what?
People may talk and judge, but that’s the way it works. You can either accept it and stay authentic anyway or you can live as a slave of their opinions. What might be shocking today, 
will become a boring reality over time, and you won’t even notice how quickly 
everyone will get used to your new self.

2. You don’t need approval for changing your social circle.
You are the reflection of the five people you spend the most time with.
Without wishing to sound cliché, this sentence has to be mentioned since the most profound life lessons are actually found in adages. It might be the case that your current environment
prevents you from becoming who you’d like to be. Some people are great companions,
radiating with positive energy while others might spread nothing but negativity.
It’s your responsibility to adjust your surroundings to your goals. If there’s a negative person
in your life that you’d like to avoid, the last thing you should care about is that person’s approval
for your decision. It’s tough, but if you feel deep within that change is necessary,
go for it regardless of what others think.

3. You don’t need approval for changing your behavior.
Your family, friends, and colleagues may be used to a certain behavior you represent
so once you start acting differently, it obviously puts you in the center of attention.
Some might start to question that change, but this shouldn’t bother you. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, you have a full right to change the way you behave whenever you want.
If you are a shy or introverted person, however, you’d like to socialize more and become outgoing, the process of change will attract some attention. This might make you feel afraid of being judged, but same as for above examples, you don’t need anyone’s approval for such a transformation. Some people say, fake it until you make it. I would explicate it by saying that you fake it
until you believe it. While you do it, forget about how others perceive you.

4. You don’t need approval for changing your beliefs.
Many people were raised according to certain beliefs and dogmas reckoned to be the best
in their culture. The truth is, some folks born within that environment don’t accept these
as the ultimate truths and see the world completely different.
However, there’s a social pressure which makes it harder to abandon the tradition.
Conservative people brought up in that very culture will expect you to behave accordingly.
Every move in the opposite direction causes disapproval. They are deeply convinced
that’s the straight way to destroy your life, but the fact is, it’s you who’s living it.
When I declared to my family that my personal beliefs vary a lot from what they taught me,
at first, I faced huge disapproval. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised, but while stating it,
I wasn’t looking for their approval, but just sharing the information. Over time, the tension 
fades away and you are happy about being authentic and true to yourself.

5. You don’t need approval for your life priorities.
The typical life priorities vary from culture to culture, however, they have one thing in common. Namely, people look sceptical whenever you refuse to follow. A young person nowadays
is supposed to get a degree, get a good job, build a house, buy a fancy car and fully enjoy
their success. For some, this might be the best scenario imaginable. Others might consider
it a nightmare. Whatever applies to you, it’s your and only your business.
If your number one priority in life is to help people in need, but your parents dream
of you becoming a lawyer, then you’ll definitely meet with disapproval. Disappointing your loved ones hurts both you and them. However, a life filled out with regret may be even more harmful. 
Oppose to misconceptions, it’s following your heart and intuition that’s closest
to what you really want to achieve.

6. You don’t need approval for fulfilling your deepest desires.
You may want to do something so crazy that just thinking about it blows your mind.
Something you always wanted to do, a desire hidden deep within your soul.
But for some reason, you keep procrastinating and putting it off.
If “some reason” happens to be the criticism from your surroundings, it’s time to face the truth
and abandon the seek for validation. Most people prefer safety and security.
A person who hates sticking out from the crowd is not appropriate for a mentor
when it comes to going insane so their approval is the last thing you’ll ever need.

7. You don’t need approval for your relationship choices.
Relationship choices are fully private issues, yet plenty of people shamelessly judge others’ choices. What they base their judgments on, however, is just a surface. Only you and your loved one
know each element of your relationship, that most people may not even notice.
Some relationships draw a lot of attention in certain cultures and experience social pressure
and negativity. Narrow-minded people may try to destroy them, as they are deeply convinced
they are unacceptable. The truth is, their disapproval doesn’t play any role.
They may be loud, but their words are meaningless. Follow your heart and ignore the naysayers.

8. You don’t need approval for your passions.
Imagine a man pursuing to be a ballet dancer or a woman who falls in love with lifting weights.
Both are incredibly passionate about it and highly determined to get to the top.
There’s a beauty in how they spare no effort to overcome every obstacle and become better.
However, some people won’t notice that. The only thing they see is a controversy —
people doing something they don’t consider adequate for their gender.
These passionate individuals stick out, so the crowd notices and weak people laugh at them.
They may lack approval from the society but in reality, they don’t need it.
Following your passion leads to success, even if there are countless failures along the way. At some point, your success and determination make the defeatists so small you no longer recognize them.

9. You don’t need approval for your eating habits.
What you put in your body is what you become. Why would you let anyone determine that choice? Eating is such a basic task required to survive, yet it’s very controversial. Different diets
and eating patterns are always a hot topic of discussion, be it in the mass media or on the Internet. For example, becoming a vegetarian or vegan can be perceived as crazy.
Same thing applies when you base your diet mostly on meat and fats.
It’s because “healthy” and “normal” are subjective words.
First of all, eating healthy is not an absolute value, various people see it differently.
Secondly, you shouldn’t even care about eating “normally” because it varies from culture
to culture. Stick to your personal choice regardless of the opinion of others.
Ultimately, it’s your stomach that’s going to digest it.

10. You don’t need approval for following intuition.
There’s a voice hidden deep in your soul which gives you advice on how to act,
also known as intuition. This instinct may serve you life-changing tips, but it definitely
won’t give you any common advice. Following the typical path often conflicts with our hearts. 
Simply because the average life is not what we were meant for.
Then again, living a life driven by passion and inner desire isn’t easy.
Being aberrational is uncomfortable since your intuition is constantly questioned
by society’s norms. The fact is, once you accept that lack of approval for sticking to your instinct, you’ll feel more authentic, content and satisfied.

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