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Monday, 8 September 2014

Does my bum look big in this?

The subconscious ‘but’ has been mentioned. I thought the following might be helpful.

M’reen: You may have noticed that I have used ‘but’ twice (in the article).
Before each ‘but’ there was a positive point and the ‘but’ killed that point dead.
So, as one client observed, “yes that dress looks nice but your bum looks big” is guaranteed to get him
into trouble. BUT, if he said, “that dress looks nice even though your bum is big” he can live to see another day. So, avoid ‘but’ like the plague and try changing the sequence of the comment:  
‘Even though your bum is big you look nice in that dress.’

“I’ll respect that you don’t want to but I won’t respect that you can’t.”
“I won’t respect that you can’t but I’ll respect that you don’t want to.”
Which feels best to you if it was a comment on your statement?

Having seen a post mentioning the subconscious 'but' I thought I'd post this - it's nothing very clever but 
if you've not seen it before it can make a huge difference to your life.
It's good for clients, too.      Look at this:
"I need to earn more BUT I'm not sure how I could ever do that..."
and compare it with this:
"I'm not sure how I'm going to do it BUT I'm going to earn more..."               

BUT is the mind's eraser. It erases everything that went before it...
so you might as well put the negative part before the BUT
and make sure that the last thing your mind accesses in the statement is what you WILL do, 
rather than why you can't.              

Think of it as 'but reversal' and it helps it stay in your mind.                         

On a similar subject, if you link "should" or "shouldn't" with 'and' instead of 'but',
you can easily make positive changes in your life.                                 

"I know I should get more exercise BUT I really don't have time..." lets you completely off the hook 
(been there, done that!)   
Whereas: "I know I should get more exercise AND..." doesn't easily allow you to negate 
the intent of what you've just stated.                            

'BUT' is a very powerful word it can help or hinder your progress in life
and do either just as effectively.            

Apologies if you're now thinking "Well, why on Earth did he post that? I already knew that!" - 
it's just that I know a lot of people forget it and it REALLY helped me to achieve the success 
that I have managed over the last few years. Terence               

I've used the 'yes...but' and the 'yes ...and'  as part of training that I run with teachers. 
I use it to show how the BUT simply closes the door to communication and the AND can open it. 
Its quite fun to see a room of people going through the YES ..AND after a YES >>BUT 
and hearing the laughter and excitement that can be generated.               

I have been getting clients to reframe in this way for some time now as a piece of homework, 
it's quite surprising how much habit resistance there is at the outset but at the end of a week 
they really can make changes without tears.

I tend to avoid shoulds and musts like the plague as they tend to be guilt trips imposed by others. 
Ask yourself, ‘what will happen if I don’t?’

Unfortunately I don’t have the author of the above so if you recognise this piece
please give me their name so that this piece can be appropriately credited.

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:     this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.    describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.       just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.                             The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

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