Lunch.
9 Ways To Manage
People Who Bother You
Ever faced people who bother you? I’m sure all of us have
faced such people before.
It’s okay when we have to face them just once or twice,
but there are times when these people emerge in facets of our life where we
have to deal with them on an ongoing basis.
They can be business associates, fellow colleagues,
friends, or even family members and relatives.
In such cases, we have to learn how to deal with them.
Here are my 9 tips to handle such people:
1. You can only
change yourself.
When dealing with people, always remember that it’s not
about changing others,
but about changing yourself. You can try to change
others, but you may not succeed doing so.
The best way to address the situation is to change how
you perceive it and how you react to it.
By changing that, everything else will subsequently
change as well.
2. Draw your
boundaries.
Be clear on what you will tolerate and what you will not
tolerate. Then stick with it.
You have your own personal space and it’s your perogative
to protect your space.
By drawing the boundaries, even if just mentally, you are
clearer of the kind of behaviors
to expect from others. If you don’t do so, it’s easy for
you to be pushed over by others,
especially since such people tend not to be conscious of
personal boundaries.
You’ll wind up
shrinking in a corner and feeling miserable, and you wouldn’t want that.
3. Be upfront
about where you stand.
If the person has a history of spilling into your
personal space, then let him/her know
where you stand the next time you communicate. People
aren’t mind readers,
and sometimes they may not be aware that they are
infringing on your space.
Giving the person some indicators will help. If he/she
tends to take up a lot of your time,
then let him/her know that you have XX minutes at the
onstart of the conversation.
That way, you are being fair by informing him/her in
advance. If you prefer to communicate
via email/text/chat/other channels, then let him/her know
too.
4. Be firm when
needed.
If the person does not stick within the boundaries, then
enforce them.
Give a gentle reminder at first. If he/she still does not
get the hint, then make a call
and draw the line right there. I used to be very
relenting in my communications.
I would attend the person for however long it took. In
the end it enroached on my personal space, and I wasn’t sure if all that time
and energy I spent ever did anything too.
As I gradually pushed back and became firm on my
boundaries, I was a lot more fulfilled.
I realized if I wasn’t meeting my needs, I couldn’t be
helping anyone with theirs.
5. Ignore them.
Ignoring is effective in the right moments. When you
respond, you give them a reason to continue their behavior. If you just ignore,
they don’t have a choice but to seek out someone else.
Not only that, it also hints to them about their behavior
and helps them do some self-reflection.
6. Don’t take it
personally.
Most of the times, these people behave the same way
around others too.
I had a friend who was very negative. She always had
something to criticize
whenever we were together. At first I thought she had
something against me,
but after I observed her interacting with our common
friends,
I realized she was like that with everyone else too.
Realizing it wasn’t anything personal helped me deal with
her objectively.
7. Observe how
others handle them.
Watching others deal with the same person you find
annoying can be an eye-opening perspective. Even if the person may be at
his/her wits-end handling the individual,
just observing
from a third party’s point of view can give you insights on how to manage.
The next time you are with this person, get someone else
into the conversation too.
Take a back seat by broaching a topic that’s relevant
between the two of them,
then play the silent role in the situation. Observe how
the other party handles him/her.
Try this exercise with different people – from savvy
networkers, someone you find difficult
to deal with as well, someone similar to you, etc. You
will get interesting results.
8. Show kindness.
Often times, they act the way they do because they are
looking for an empathetic ear.
Hear what they have to say, and be empathetic towards
them. Give them some friendly act
of kindness. Don’t impose on them, but just be there and
empathize. It might well do the trick.
There was once when I had a long talk with a client on an
issue she was facing.
Later in the week, I sent her an sms telling her that
ultimately it boiled down to her,
and as long as she believed in herself, there was nothing
insurmountable. Many weeks after that,
we were catching up, and she told me how the message was
really encouraging for her.
She normally deleted all her smses but left that one in
her phone.
A little kind act from you may take little effort on your
part but mean the world to others.
9. Help them.
Beneath the facade is really a cry for help. Check with
them if they need any help,
or if there is anything you can do to help them.
Sometimes, it’s possible they require help
but they don’t know how to articulate it. Help them to
uncover their problem,
then work with them to analyze the issue and discover the
solution.
It’s important to
still let them take charge in the situation, because the end outcome
is you want them to learn to take control of the
situation, and not grow dependent on you for help.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/9-ways-to-manage-people-who-bother-you.html
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