These dog-daisies are also known by the beautiful name of Marguerites.
Nobody likes to punish their
child. Unfortunately it's the 'act of love' which comes hand in hand
with becoming a parent;
giving our children boundaries, standards to uphold,
a sense of what's correct in
the world and what is socially unacceptable –
all of which it is our
responsibility to instil.
I have an 11-year-old, soon
to be 12, who thinks he is 21.
I was warned to expect lots
of personality changes when senior school started for him this year,
just how much would change
and how quickly I'm not sure we can ever prepare ourselves for. Rudeness
bordering on verbal abuse one minute, still my little baby the next,
inconsistency leading to
unpredictability, I can never tell what version of him
I'm going to be met with
anymore.
So I've stopped expecting him
to be how I want him to be or how he used to be
now and I appreciate the
importance of living in the moment, not the past.
So, just how do I or any
parent experiencing a shift of epic teenage proportions,
adapt in order to survive
this tricky stage?
Whilst this might sound
fairly infantile I have reintroduced the points system
and only give points for good
manners or behaviour, resisting the urge to take them away
when I am on the receiving
end of something bordering on hatred,
because I still believe that
punishment should be kept separate from reward.
Children Bobby's age have
plenty that they 'want' which is great because that means
there is plenty to take away.
I can see this causes him a lot of displeasure,
especially when it involves
his means of communication with all of his friends.
While I can warn that he is
about to lose something important to him,
it won't stop him or calm him
down, especially if he has worked up a head of steam
and is in mid-flow, so what
is this new modern angle to punishment
which has cropped up of late
you ask?
I will stress here that this
is something I've experimented with and to good effect,
the reason I write about it
is so I can gauge from other parents whether they see it
as a good idea or if there
are hidden dangers to it that I haven't foreseen?
The act of recording your
child while they are going to town on you
is something that I have
thought about before.
When they are younger these
moments are cute and something you keep to laugh about
as they get older. When they
get to Bobby's age the cuteness isn't so apparent so just what is,
or might be, the value of
capturing your child's fury on your phone?
Oh
I did that 20 years ago. I never showed the film, the filming was enough.
I
only did it once. Good grief either I or my kids are getting old. J
My instincts told me it was a
good idea, to film Bobby saying hurtful things
for very little reason felt
like it could be constructive, not at the time,
I mean he went really mad when
he saw I was filming him but then that was the point,
not to wind him up further in
a tit-for-tat manner but to give him something to think about,
a reason to stop, a reason to
watch what he says - but why?
Kids understand the relevance
of taking videos more than we can ever appreciate
and from Bobby's point of
view I can imagine he would be mortified
if I posted that video for
all to see. That would of course be a step too far,
I wouldn't want to exploit my
son's vulnerabilities ever, let alone on social media,
so it is absolutely never
intended for those purposes, so why film it in the first place?
The next morning when as
usual all had been forgotten and the black cloud over his head
had passed I showed Bobby the
footage and his reaction was not to justify his behaviour
but to smile in an awkward
'did I really say that' type manner.
I even got an apology out of
him so it had been totally constructive, I deleted it in front of him,
after all it's certainly not
to be stored as a piece of kryptonite for me to pull out every time
he goes off on one.
The lasting effects of what
you could call 'Parental CCTV' are uncertain as of yet,
I think if used in any other
way than privately between parent and child
it could be inflammatory and
lead to kids filming parents mid-rant and posting that on the internet.
You can't whip your phone out
every five minutes because your child didn't say please or thank you either
because you'll become very predictable and appear as though you are making
a training video for how to
be the perfect child which will again just annoy and inflame.
It's a tactic that if ever
should be reserved for the big stuff for the bigger kids,
the moments when you can feel
yourself just about ready to shout,
it's a way of keeping
composed knowing that the lesson can be learnt in a more constructive way.
Bobby gets why I did it and he gets why I would do it again
so will that stop him being
unpleasant in the future? Let's wait and see.
In the meantime I will speak
to Bobby about other ways for him to vent any frustration or anger
he may be feeling so that it
doesn't need to come in my direction with such force.
You can't deny your child will go through
fazes of highly charged emotional feelings,
nor the right for them to
express it in your direction because that's actually trust in disguise.
They need an outlet, but if it spirals into
something much bigger,
then the best form of defence
could just be to shoot from the pocket and hit record.
Jeff Brazier
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jeff-brazier/jeff-brazier-parenting_b_7221228.html
A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
How to choose a
book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like
to join my FaceBook group ?
Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister
blogs:
www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com
which takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.
www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com
just for fun.
To
quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will
know.
The
more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”
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