Photo taken by
M'reen. Wind sock at Newmarket racecourses' airport.
Why You Need To Leave Your Negative Friends Behind
“Everybody
isn’t your friend. Just because they hang around you and laugh with you doesn’t
mean they’re for you. Just because they say they got your back, doesn’t mean
they won’t stab you in it. People pretend well. Jealousy sometimes doesn’t live
far.
So know your circle. At the end of the day real situations expose fake
people so pay attention.”
Trent
Shelton (Former NFL Wide Receiver)
“Cutting
negative people from my life does not mean I hate them, it simply means I
respect me.”
Marilyn
Monroe (Actress, The Seven Year Itch)
“You
cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.”
Joel
Osteen (Author, You Can, You Will)
The
only way to move forward in life is to leave your negative friends behind.
I
ran into the emergency room like a maniac and told the first nurse I saw I was
dying.
My
heart was racing, I was light headed, and I couldn’t breathe.
The
nurse looked at me like I was an idiot, which somehow made me feel better.
I
was legit freaking out. Twenty minutes earlier I was in a movie theatre
watching
the second preview when my body started playing tricks.
My
face felt red hot and the room started spinning. I tried to play it cool
for a minute but ended up snapping—I leapt over the dirty velvet chairs, jumped
into my car, and drove to the hospital.
I
thought I was having a heart attack.
The
fact that my chest didn’t hurt and I could drive fine didn’t register.
The
emergency room doctor told me I was having a panic attack caused by stress.
I
went from feeling like I was dying to feeling like a 6-year old girl.
What
kind of grown man has panic attacks?
M’reen,
I’ve experienced this once for a few minutes – extremely frightening.
Friends
Who Are Not Your Friends
I
had just spent three days partying with my friends. But these friends weren’t
really my friends.
They were just a few guys I had been trying to impress for
years.
You
know—those friends you have who don’t really like you.
The
kind who just tolerate you as long as you do what they do.
But,
if you step away and do anything different, they cut you down.
I
hate parties. The only reason I went was to make my friends happy.
Sure,
it was my choice but it was a bad choice.
It
was a choice based on obligation and wanting to fit in.
I
always felt obligated to do what my friends were doing.
Like
there was something invisible pulling me to the group.
My
brain would fight the pull. But it would lose. Over and over again.
I
was being pulled in a hundred other directions at work and home too.
I
was trying to make my boss happy so I could get promoted.
I
was trying to make my girlfriend happy so I could live in peace.
I
was trying to make my family happy so I wouldn’t feel guilty.
I
felt like my entire life revolved around making other people happy
at
the expense of my happiness.
I
thought I was handling the stress of all of this well. But I wasn’t.
Eventually
it was too much and that’s when I had the panic attack.
Which
Came First, Misery Or Miserable People?
Your
body and mind can only handle so much stress. You can only carry so much
obligation. Obligation is like a rubber band. It can stretch and stretch but at
a certain point it’s going to snap.
No
matter how big, old, strong, or smart you are. Everyone has a snapping point.
Henry
David Thoreau once wrote, “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
You
may have heard other versions of this like “most men lead lives of quiet
desperation
and
die with their song still inside them.” Either way, Thoreau’s words ring true
for many people.
We
often feel stuck and desperate in our lives.
We
go through our days unconfident and unfocused.
Maybe
we read something offhand or watch a particular movie that fills us with
energy.
But
this energy quickly dissipates. It vanishes because we have nothing to channel
it into.
Or,
it’s snuffed out by the crowd of negative people we’ve somehow let into our
lives.
The
combination of being stretched thin by obligation and feeling stuck will ruin
your life.
Over
time, your internal drive will die.
Guilt
and despair will take over.
Your
misery will attract more miserable people until you find yourself asking, which
came first? Misery? Or the miserable people?
Stop
Ignoring Reality, Start Getting Real
The
case against keeping negative friends in your life is a strong one.
You
don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see how these people can destroy your
dreams,
ruin
your health, and turn you into an equally miserable person.
100% — Chances you will
become more negative for each negative person you let into your life.
In contrast, each positive
person you let in your life increases your chances
of becoming positive by only 11%.
Double — Put another way, one negative friend doubles your
chances of becoming unhappy.
50% — People who give in to worries and demands from
negative relationships
have a 50% increase in risk of dying early.
34% — Negative relationships boost heart disease risk by
34%.
Poverty — Negativity is linked
to poverty and reduced brain activity.
Brain damage — Listening to a negative
person for just 30 minutes peels away neurons
in your hippocampus, the part of
your brain that’s responsible for problem-solving.
Reduced creativity — People who work for a
negative boss are far less creative
than those who work for a positive
boss.
Depression and anxiety — Complaining about your
problems increases your risk of developing
both clinical depression and
anxiety.
Low self-esteem — Listening to or watching negative people interact
lowers your self-esteem
and makes you more neurotic.
Poor performance — Engaging with
negative people prior to performance tests,
rather than ignoring them, decreases
test scores.
Increased pain — Negativity overrides
effect of pain medication in surgery patients.
Loss of sleep — Negativity increases
the effect of poor sleep on pain.
Early death — People who use
negative emotional language have higher rates of mortality.
Negative
friends will ruin your life. It’s not a question of if they
will ruin your life,
it’s
a question of when.
Study
after study shows that negativity has a drastic impact on your physical,
mental, and financial wellbeing.
The
only way to protect yourself against this
is
to start being very deliberate with who you let into your life.
Otherwise,
you’ll never be anything more than average.
Don’t
keep doing what you’re doing.
Don’t
keep interacting with the same negative people
and
ignoring the reality of what these people are doing to your life.
Instead,
get real. Be honest with yourself about how much your negative friends are
costing you. Then, make a strong decision to drop them.
Two
Biggest Reasons To Drop Your Negative Friends
Friendship
is important. Humans are social animals and interacting with people can
make
you happier, healthier and more successful. But, these people have to be
the right people.
There
are over 7 billion individuals on the planet.
Yet,
we often let ourselves get obsessed with making just one or two individuals
happy.
We
fight for the approval of a select few who will never like us and never treat
us well instead of casting our nets back out to the masses to find positive
people who will like us just the way we are. This is a mistake for two
essential reasons.
1.
Positive people will not come into your life until the negative people are
gone.
Like
attracts like. If you and your surroundings are positive, you will attract
positive people
and
things into your life.
If,
on the other hand, you are negative or if you allow negative people into your
life,
you
will repel positive people.
Instead, you will draw negativity and pain toward you.
Self-reliance is
critical to success but there’s only so much you can do on your own.
You
only have two eyes and two ears. A strong network of positive and like minded
people
will
allow you to see and hear more. You’ll also be able to tap into more wisdom.
And
as a result, you’ll never stay stuck.
Imagine
what you could do if you had the right connections.
You
have to make room for positive connections.
You’ll
never be able to build a strong network of positive people
until
you delete the negative people from your life. It’s a zero sum game.
Positivity
and negativity can’t coexist in your life. You have to get rid of one to
attract the other.
2.
You will never do anything positive or meaningful with negative people in your
life.
You
cannot be a positive person with negative people in your life.
It’s
a losing battle. Have you ever sat next to someone who yawned and felt the urge
to yawn?
Have
you ever found yourself repeating a particular phrase that someone close to you
often says,
or
getting a song stuck in your head that someone else was singing?
Did
you ever sit down to lunch at the office and overhear two people gossiping
and
feel the urge to jump in and gossip too?
Mirror
neurons in your brain cause you to automatically copy your surroundings.
Powerful
psychological factors including group think, negativity bias, and the chameleon effect
drive
you to fit in and replicate everything your five senses take in.
Research shows that people who
are lied to are more likely to lie and cheat.
Similar
research shows that having an obese friend increases your chances of
becoming obese
by 171% and
having a smoker in your family increases your chances of smoking by 61%.
But,
people can make you better too. For example, studies show that having just one happy friend increases your
chances of becoming happy by 15%. In fact, having just one friend of a friend
who
is happy increases your chances of being happy by 10% and having one friend of a friend
of a friend who is happy increases
your chances of being happy by 6%.
There’s
no escaping the fact that the people you let into your life will influence how
you perceive life.
They will also influence what you achieve in life.
If
you feel stuck in life and want to make a positive change, the single most
important thing
you
can do is drop negative friends, family members, colleagues, and negative
people.
Now
you know what to do and why you need to do it. The only question left is how?
How
To Leave Your Negative Friends Behind
Like
cigarettes, booze, and jelly donuts, most people know that negative friends are
bad for them.
They know that their lives would be better without negative
people in it.
The
problem is they don’t know how to get rid of these negative
people.
The
first step to getting rid of your negative friends is to realize that you are
the problem,
not
them. It’s your own weak decisions that are keeping these people in your
life.
The
truth is you’re addicted to negative people. You’re addicted to the gossip,
to
the cosy feeling of fitting in, and to the comfort of being accepted by
familiar faces.
Perhaps
you are using your negative friends as a crutch.
You
keep them around so that when you fail (or fail to try anything new),
you
can blame your failures on your negative friends, not yourself.
Or
maybe you enjoy having negative people around who aren’t doing anything with
their lives because it makes you feel better about your life.
Replace
Bad People With A Good Plan
The
second step to ditching your negative friends is making a strong decision to
focus your life
on
something new. You need to create a magnificent obsession for yourself.
You
need to focus your powers on a single purpose, something that fully absorbs you
and
makes you feel alive again.
If
you don’t have any goals for yourself, you will never be able to quit negative
people.
The
only way to escape negative people is to replace them.
Non-smokers
quit smoking, not by giving up the habit, but by replacing it with a better
habit.
In
the same way, you need to replace your negative friends with something positive
and incredible–something exciting that makes you jump out of bed in the morning.
You
need to create a plan for your life that will bring you happiness and success,
while
attracting other happy and successful people into your life.
The
time to get rid of your negative friends is now. Cut them loose.
Create
a plan for something better. Don’t look back at what you’re leaving behind;
look
forward to everything you can accomplish.
Look
forward to the endless possibilities and opportunities in front of you.
http://www.isaiahhankel.com/negative-friends
Photo taken by M'reen, Supportive Friends in Hemel Hempstead. UK
How to Meet New Friends
Polly Campbell
Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with three people I
adore.
We had great conversation. Great laughs.
And great views of the sun on
the countryside. For about seven hours.
That’s a lot of time. But instead of feeling arduous or
draining, the time flew by.
At the end of all that time together, I felt refreshed. I
felt restored. I just plain felt better.
Such is the power of friendship.
Plenty of research proves that social support can ward of
depression and increase optimism
and resilience – all good for our overall well-being. But
the healthy and supportive relationships
also help us pursue our goals and even make healthier
choices.
Now, scientists say, friendships can even inoculate us
against the common cold.
Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University found that people who receive more
hugs
are less likely to get sick. Hugs were a way to gauge social
support.
People who received a lot of hugs, have more social
support since we usually aren’t
(or better not be) grabbing hold of complete strangers.
More hugs equal more social support.
More social support means less stress
and that means we are less susceptible to infection and
colds, according to researchers.
Its clear solid relationships are an essential part,
not only of a fun life, but a healthy one.
Yet the world changes at such a fast pace, it can be hard
to maintain those connections.
People move, divorce, change jobs, and relationships fall
away.
We also tend to communicate more via technology than
keeping up the face-to-face interactions
that buoy us. So, it’s time we work
harder to care for the friendships we have.
And if you are missing those kinds of rock-solid
relationships,
here are three ways to get back out there again and start
building new friendships.
It takes a little energy and effort, but better health
and well-being are the big pay-offs.
Three Ways to Meet New Friends
Move toward your talents and
interests. Are you a good tennis player? Sign up for a league.
Do you like to write? Join a local writer’s group or put
author readings on your calendar.
Are you good at organizing? Volunteer for a local group
that does work you admire.
When you contribute your gifts to the world, you often
run into others that share those talents.
This is a good foundation for friendship.
It’s easier to start talking when you have something in
common.
Notice the people along the
way. Engage in
life. Participate. Play. Have fun.
Do the activities you enjoy – but notice others along the
way. Keep your head up. Say “hello.”
Be friendly, but patient. Friendships don’t start
overnight.
Nor will you want to hang out with everyone you meet.
But when you are having fun, you exude positive energy
and you are much more likely to encounter great people, and potential friends.
When you do, when you end up chatting, pay attention
to what they are sharing, show interest. Next time you
two run into each other,
this gives you a natural entry point, something to ask
about, if it feels appropriate.
Be authentic. Don’t
blow smoke.
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of good, loving
relationships so be yourself.
You won’t connect with everyone you meet – nor would you
want to.
That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you – or
them. So don’t blame or beat yourself up. Just be true, open, and do the things
you enjoy and your true nature will shine through.
That will be enough to build friendships that matter.
http://imperfectspirituality.com/2015/01/28/how-to-meet-new-friends/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ImperfectSpirituality+%28Imperfect+Spirituality%29#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed
Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more
things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”
