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Friday, 30 June 2017

How To Defuse An Argument With Your Partner With Just One Word

Vetch and tesal husks.

How To Defuse An Argument With Your Partner With Just One Word
Rachel Moss

Unless you’re living in a fairytale, arguments in long-term relationships are inevitable.
But a relationship expert has revealed how to nip these disagreements in the bud
before you say something you later regret.
According to Hal Runkel, you can take the heat out of a fight with a single word: “ouch”.
According to Runkel, we often use the personal information we’ve gathered about a loved one against them in the heat of the moment.
If our partner does this to us, our instinct is often to fire a hurtful home-truth back,
which can escalate the situation. 
“When [you’re] in conflict, inevitably [you] will say something that hurts the other person
using the ‘inside information’ that you have on them or that they have on you,”
he told Business Insider. 
But if we say something like “ouch, that hurt” instead, it changes the course of the dialogue. 
“That conversation —which was a very familiar path, that fight — is now a totally different path because one of you chose to actually get vulnerable,” Runkel explained. 
“It wasn’t a step of pushing [your partner] away. It was a step of inviting [your partner] in by saying: ‘You know what? I am open enough to you that you can actually hurt me.
So now how about we talk to each other as if we actually love each other?’”
Next time you feel your temper rising, give this a go. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-to-defuse-an-argument-with-your-partner-with-just-one-word_uk_5923edb9e4b034684b0f57db?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D-1856401774_uk

Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later
Contact M’reen at: read@turbochargedreading.com

You can TCR specialist and language dictionaries that are spontaneously accessed.
I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 
How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourbusinessminds.blogspot.com                       development, growth, www.mreenhunthappyartaccidents.blogspot.com      just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Saturday, 24 June 2017

Life, Work & Relationship Balance

Violet


The importance of having a healthy balance in your life, lifestyle, work life, career, business,
health and your relationships and how imbalances in any area that is important to you will create unnecessary challenges, drama & chaos.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different female viewers.  The first email is from a woman who I have answered two previous emails in video newsletters titled, “Women Love A Real Man” and “Dating: It’s All In The Numbers.” She is an entrepreneur at heart and has taken a BS job to help pay the bills while she figures out her business model. She is living in an area that she loves and that supports her love of the great outdoors, but she is really struggling to find like-minded people who share the same goals and values as she does. Many people in her life are critical of her beliefs and her choices, which often make her, feel like she does not fit in or belong. The second email is from a woman who says she is an alpha female. She says that she disagrees with most of what I teach men to do because she likes to be pursued by a man, while ignoring the fact that she tends to chase men she likes, even though this is the opposite of what she says and thinks she wants. Both women are struggling with finding a healthy balance in their lives so they can create the life, lifestyle and relationships that they really want and deserve.

“Most people do not feel comfortable enough in their own skin to stand up for themselves, what they want and how they want to be treated. When their beliefs and how they view themselves are in conflict with their goals, dreams and outcomes, this makes it impossible to create the life and lifestyle they really want. The story that they tell themselves gets in the way and prevents them from taking the action they need to take, in order to move towards what they want and overcome the challenges and obstacles that are always a part of everyone’s journey to achieving their grandest goals and dreams. Since we tend to do more to avoid pain & discomfort, than we will do to gain pleasure and success, we must always be aware of our self-talk and limiting beliefs so we can take action that will move us towards our outcomes and goals. Otherwise, we will make excuses and take actions that only move us away from our dream lives and lifestyles.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne


Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later
Contact M’reen at: read@turbochargedreading.com

You can TCR specialist and language dictionaries that are spontaneously accessed.
I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 
How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourbusinessminds.blogspot.com                       development, growth, www.mreenhunthappyartaccidents.blogspot.com      just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Sunday, 18 June 2017

The Most Powerful Technique to Reprogram the Subconscious mind

Practice Starting gates. Newmarket .The Historic Home of Horse racing.



Welcome back to another video. My name is Aaron, and I help people expand their consciousness. Now, this video is going to be about the most effective technique that I have found
for being able to influence the idea of our subconscious mind. I got this idea from a book that I read that was actually recommended by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It was in his book The Power of Intention,
I believe, that he recommended this book called The Feeling is the Secret.
It's all about the idea that before we go to bed every night if we condition ourselves
for the feeling of what we want to feel and the idea of what we want to create in our lives,
we then begin to change our life in a very powerful way.
"What I want to do in this video is help you maybe understand it from a point of the idea of science and infuse an idea in here that helps us understand maybe why that's true and then understand
a process that we can do to get ourselves to that state. Let me first off just share with you guys
that I have been doing this process for years now. It's one of the reasons that I meditate
the first 15 or 20 minutes of my day and the last 15 to 20 minutes of my day every single day.
I don't think I've missed a day in the last four or five years. It's something I find that if I do it right
in the morning, it leaks into the rest of my day to where because I'm observing my thoughts
and I'm not reacting it's like the rest of the day if something happens, I'm more able to control
my state of being rather than being affected by the environment. That's why I choose to do it then.
"Nonetheless, I want to explain this idea from understanding brainwave states.
There's four main brainwave states.
The first one is the most alert state, which is what's called a beta state.
Then we have a little bit deeper is the idea of an alpha state.
Then we have a theta state and a delta state. Delta is the most like we're asleep type state.
Then we have theta, which is very in between state.
Almost, we get there when we're in deep levels of meditation.
Then we have alpha state. Alpha state we're in when we close our eyes or are thinking of something or we are watching television. A lot of times we'll be in an alpha state.
That's why it's important to pay attention to what we're consuming
because that is a little bit closer to our subconscious mind than our beta state. 
Then beta state is when we're doing things or we're consciously aware, we're very alert.
"The idea is that as we go to bed at night, we are shifting from a beta state to an alpha state
to a theta state to a delta state. These levels and these states are closer to the idea
of our subconscious mind. As we go to bed, we're shifting through those.
If we can control our state of being and condition our body for thinking in a certain way,
we then begin to have more effect over our subconscious mind. Then as we go to bed
and we wake up in the morning, a lot of times we'll wake up in a similar emotion or feeling
that we felt as we went to bed. One reason I like to meditate before I go to bed is because when
I wake up, I wake up in the same state. When I jump into meditation, I get to that state very easily.
"When we wake up in the morning, it's the same way in reverse. We are coming out of a delta,
then a theta, then an alpha, then a beta state. If we control our state of being for the first 10 or 15 minutes of our day, the idea is that we ease into these different states. Then we have a better feel over the rest of our day. Not just that. As we are in that window of time for when we wake up
in the morning, that is the most powerful time that we have to influence our subconscious mind.
"The same thing goes when we're going to bed at night. As we begin to go down
into the deeper levels, that is the time that we have to really influence our subconscious mind.
What can we be doing? This is something that I do right when I go to bed.
It might be 10 or 15 minutes before I fall asleep. I anchor in the idea of feeling gratitude
for whatever I want to create or for whatever I already have in my life.
As I begin to focus on those aspects, I find that it's almost like I condition my body for feeling more and more gratitude in my life. If I have certain beliefs that I have about myself or a certain self-image that I want to change, one of the ways I do that is I start to see myself in a completely new light.
"I imagine myself how would I want and prefer to be? What would I feel like if I were doing
the things that I prefer to do? How would I act? How would I move? As I begin to sink myself
with that version of me and as I begin to focus on it, I then begin to feel as if that were true.
That's one of the powerful parts of visualization is the mind doesn't know the difference
between what we are visualizing and what's actually happening if we do it enough.
That's what I begin to do. As I go to bed, I think about...

Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later
Contact M’reen at: read@turbochargedreading.com

You can TCR specialist and language dictionaries that are spontaneously accessed.
I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 
How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourbusinessminds.blogspot.com                       development, growth, management. www.mreenhunthappyartaccidents.blogspot.com      just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Monday, 12 June 2017

How Smart People Deal With People They Don’t Like

Welsh poppy.

How Smart People Deal With People They Don’t Like
David K. William

In a perfect world, each person we interact with would be nice, kind, considerate,
mindful, generous, and more. They would get our jokes and we would get theirs.
We would all thrive in a convivial atmosphere where no one was ever cross, upset, or maligned.
However, we don’t live in a perfect world. Some people drive us crazy, and we (admittedly) 
drive a few mad as well. Those we dislike are inconsiderate, rushed, malign our character,
question our motives, or just don’t get our jokes at all — but expect us to laugh at all theirs.
You might wonder whether it is possible to be fair to someone who ruffles you all the time,
or someone you’d rather avoid eating lunch with.
You might wonder if you should learn to like every person you meet.
According to Robert Sutton (a professor of management science at Stanford University),
 it’s neither possible — nor even ideal — to build a team comprised entirely of people
you’d invite to a backyard barbecue.
That’s why smart people make the most out of people they don’t like. Here’s how they do it.

1. They accept that they are not going to like everyone.
Sometimes we get caught in the trap of thinking that we are nice people. We think that we
are going to like everyone we interact with — even when that’s not going to happen.
It’s inevitable you will encounter difficult people who oppose what you think. Smart people know this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements are a result of differences in values.
That person you don’t like is not intrinsically a bad human. The reason you don’t get along is
because you have different values, and that difference creates judgment. Once you accept that
not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone because of a difference in values,
the realization can take the emotion out of the situation.
That may even result in getting along better by agreeing to disagree.

2. They bear with (not ignore or dismiss) those they don’t like.
Sure, you may cringe at his constant criticism, grit your teeth at her lousy jokes, or shake your head at the way he hovers around her all the time, but feeling less than affectionate to someone
might not be the worst thing. “From a performance standpoint, liking the people you manage
too much is a bigger problem than liking them too little,” says Sutton.
“You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue,” Sutton adds.
“They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing stupid things.”
 It may not be easy, but bear with them. It is often those who challenge or provoke us
that prompt us to new insights and help propel the group to success.
Remember, you are not perfect either, yet people still tolerate you.

3. They treat those they don’t like with civility.
Whatever your feelings are for someone, that person will be highly attuned to your attitude
and behavior, and will likely reflect it back to you.
If you are rude to them, they will likely throw away all decorum and be rude to you too.
The onus; therefore, is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed.
“Cultivating a diplomatic poker face is important. You need to be able to come across as professional and positive,” says Ben Dattner, an organizational psychologist and author of The Blame Game. 
This way you won’t stoop to their level or be sucked into acting the way they do.

4. They check their own expectations.
It’s not uncommon for people to have unrealistic expectations about others. We may expect others 
to act exactly as we would, or say the things that we might say in a certain situation.
However, that’s not realistic. “People have ingrained personality traits that are going to
largely determine how they react,” says Alan A. Cavaiola, PhD (psychology professor at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, New Jersey). “Expecting others to do as you would do
is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.”
If a person causes you to feel exactly the same way every time,
adjust your expectations appropriately. This way you’ll be psychologically prepared
and their behavior will not catch you by surprise. Smart people do this all the time. 
They’re not always surprised by a dis-likable person’s behavior.

5. They turn inwards and focus on themselves.
No matter what you try, some people can still really get under our skin. It’s important that you learn how to handle your frustration when dealing with someone who annoys you. 
Instead of thinking about how irritating that person is, focus on why you are reacting
the way you are. Sometimes what we don’t like in others is frequently what we don’t like
in ourselves. Besides, they didn’t create the button, they’re only pushing it.
Pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings. You may then be able to anticipate, soften, or even alter your reaction. Remember: it’s easier to change your perceptions, attitude,
and behavior than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.

6. They pause and take a deep breath.
Some personality characteristics may always set you off, says Kathleen Bartle
(a California-based conflict consultant). Maybe it’s the colleague who regularly misses deadlines,
or the guy who tells off-color jokes. Take a look at what sets you off and who’s pushing your buttons. That way, Bartle says, you can prepare for when it happens again.
According to her, “If you can pause and get a grip on your adrenaline pump and go to the intellectual part of your brain, you’ll be better able to have a conversation and to skip over the judgment.”
A deep breath and one big step back can also help to calm you down and protect you from overreaction, thereby allowing you to proceed with a slightly more open mind and heart.

7. They voice their own needs.
If certain people constantly tick you off, calmly let them know that their manner of behavior
or communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory language and instead try
the “When you . . . I feel . . .” formula. For example, Cacaiola advises you to tell that person,
“When you cut me off in meetings, I feel like you don’t value my contributions.”
Then, take a moment and wait for their response.
You may find that the other person didn’t realize you weren’t finished speaking, or your colleague was so excited about your idea that she enthusiastically jumped into the conversation.

8. They allow space between them.
If all else fails, smart people allow space between themselves and those they don’t like.
Excuse yourself and go on your way. If at work, move to another room or sit at the other end
of the conference table. With a bit of distance, perspective, and empathy, you may be able to
come back and interact both with those people you like and those you don’t like as if unfazed.
Of course, everything would be easier if we could wish people we don’t like away.
Too bad we all know that’s not how life works.
http://www.lifehack.org/294859/how-smart-people-deal-with-people-they-dont-like



Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later
Contact M’reen at: read@turbochargedreading.com

You can TCR software and engineering manuals for spontaneous recall – or pass that exam.
I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube  
How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourbusinessminds.blogspot.com                       development, growth, management. www.mreenhunthappyartaccidents.blogspot.com      just for fun.
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Listening to Depression: Your Pain Can Be a Guide to Change and Healing

Love in a mist.

Listening to Depression: Your Pain Can Be a Guide to Change and Healing
Joseph Castelli

“These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” ~Rumi

My first diagnosis of depression came at the age of fifteen.
Depression runs in my family; it wasn’t a case of overmedicating.
It was genuine, and the black dog has followed me all my life.
I’ve been on eight different antidepressants and a handful of anti-anxiety drugs.
I’ve been in and out of therapist offices (and hospitals) most of my life,
and I expect that I’ll continue to do so.
My mindset (and that of my family and doctors) was that depression is an adversary to be defeated. 
If only we found the right medication or the right therapy, we could solve the problem.
But that mindset ignores a positive effect of such a negative condition:
depression’s ability to induce change.
Depression lies to you, but it also tells you the truth.
And that truth leads to change.

Silencing
As I began my career as a lawyer in New York City, my depression worsened.
Law is a perfect profession for depression to get worse. I was taught to look for mistakes,
to be cynical. A pessimistic mindset is an advantage for a lawyer.
Lawyers have high rates of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse.
I don’t know whether depressed people become lawyers or becoming a lawyer makes people depressed. It’s probably a combination, though ultimately it’s irrelevant.
My depression found expression physically and emotionally. I had chronic tension headaches;
when I woke up feeling like head was squeezed into a vice, I knew the pain would last all day.
My back and neck were steel cables of tension.
I gained weight from a combination of lack of exercise and poor diet.
On the weekends, I would order huge amounts of food, seeking solace and finding only regret.
Emotionally, I was ashamed. Ashamed for being depressed and ashamed for hating my job.
It was the prize so many of my law school classmates had competed for. Why didn’t I want it?
More than the shame was an overarching sense of sadness,
like a gray filter applied across the screen of my life.
It felt like other people were seeing in color, but for some reason I was seeing in black and white.
I remember discussing a medical leave with my therapist (she was supportive, and I owe her much). But I was crushed as I realized that a leave was only that—I’d have to return to the office.
Late one night, unable to sleep, I found myself scrutinizing my apartment’s lease agreement,
looking for a way out. My apartment was bathed in darkness.
In the pale glow of my laptop’s screen, I broke down, shoulders heaving with sobs.
I had been trying to kill the messenger. I wanted to silence my depression,
as if I could put my hands over my ears and make the noise stop.
But instead, I needed to listen to what my depression was telling me.

Listening
In those times, depression felt intractable. It was a heavy stone that I wasn’t strong enough to move. But I think, more subtly, depression can signal change. Pain is a messenger.
Just like physical pain, emotional pain is a signal. Your body is telling you to change
what you’re doing. And those changes can’t take place if you don’t stop and listen.

And how to listen? Sit in stillness, observing what thoughts and emotions arise in the silence.
No control; only observation.
I learned to focus on my breath, observing its rising and falling, without focusing on a specific object or mantra. I learned this meditation technique at a vipassana retreat near Kathmandu, Nepal,
and it still serves me well.
Meditation clarifies the difference between genuine pain and temporary discomfort.
Genuine pain is a messenger of change.
Temporary discomfort is a passing phenomenon we all experience at one time or another.
It’s like exercise at the gym: it can be unpleasant and uncomfortable, even though you know
 it’s good for you. In contrast, some pain is like breaking an ankle. You have to take time to heal.
In this sense, meditation is a guide to distinguishing between depression’s truth and lies.
Depression tries to trick you: it lies to you (in the form of cognitive distortions like catastrophizing) while sometimes telling you the truth (the genuine pain that you’re in).
Meditation separates the truth from the lies.

Recognizing
I relied on meditation to help me recognize the pain I was in.
Not only had I run away from my depression, I had chastised myself for even feeling it
(“you shouldn’t feel this bad”) then felt guilty for being depressed.
Meditation cleared this fog of avoidance and guilt.
It also taught me to stop trying to figure out my depression. Attempting to intellectualize
how I felt was a fool’s errand. I had to recognize my depression in a visceral, bodily way.
When a stove is hot, you pull your hand away so you don’t get burned. It doesn’t matter if the stove 
is gas or electric, or who turned it on. None of that information will prevent you from getting burned. It’s happening; the exact causes don’t need to be figured out to act accordingly.
And this is exactly what meditation taught me: to focus on the sensations (breath, bodily discomfort, thoughts) instead of attempting to rationalize those sensations.
That’s why vipassana retreats require you to surrender your books and journals.
Experience the phenomena, don’t intellectualize them.

Acting
In the end, my thoughts were just excuses.
When my lease was up, I told myself, I’ll quit in six months after I get my bonus.
When I got my bonus, I told myself, I’ll quit in six months when my lease is up.
Once I stopped attempting to reason with myself, it became clear that I had to quit.
My depression had lied to me before, but it wasn’t lying this time.
I’m not recommending recklessly quitting a job without a plan. I had to sublet my apartment
and figure out my finances before I left. But my depression had led me, finally, to make a decision.
Then I had to take the leap. As I told my boss I was quitting, I felt a strange combination of anxiety and exhilaration. I shook.
I left New York City. I remember sitting at the airport and deleting my work’s email app
from my phone. It sounds like a millennial’s cliche version of catharsis,
but deleting that app felt immensely freeing.
I’m still in the process of letting myself be sad sometimes, and I doubt that process
will ever truly end. I’m still on medication. But the gray filter over my life has lifted.
*Disclaimer: Depression can have many different causes, and everyone’s experience is different.
For some people, life changes can decrease feelings of depression.
Others may require a combination of treatment modalities, including professional help.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/listening-depression-pain-can-guide-change-healing/
Turbo Charged Reading: Read more>>>Read fast>>>Remember all>>>Years later
Contact M’reen at: read@turbochargedreading.com

You can TCR music, poetry or self development material for internal knowing.
I can Turbo Charge Read a novel 6-7 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
I can TCR an instructional/academic book around 20 times faster and remember what I’ve read.
Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube  
How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
All aspects of regular, each-word reading and education.
Turbo Charged Reading uses these skills significantly faster
www.ourbusinessminds.blogspot.com                       development, growth, management. www.mreenhunthappyartaccidents.blogspot.com      just for fun.
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”