Friendship. Photo taken by M'reen
13 proven strategies and behaviours that increase your attractiveness to others.
Written by M’reen
So, OK the measurements on the tape may not read the size you desire and your bank account
may be modest, nor are you the perfect height or have the perfect education.
Does that make you a looser? Absolutely not!
This is simply your outside appearance and your personality is more than skin deep.
Focus On Others
What really gives you the magnetic edge over others is
your ability to focus your attention toward other people.
Make a point of being fascinated by other people, their life experience and their work.
Ask questions, a failure to ask questions is understood as disinterest.
Talking continuously about yourself is boring so monitor how many times you say ‘I’
in a conversation and balance ‘I’ with a ‘tell me about you’ question.
Successful communication happens when people share equally about what is interesting
and exciting to them. When they share something with you, make sure you respond
with more than ‘me too’ as that is really the end of the conversation and back to you
as your principal interest. You need to hit the ball back over the net with a response
that continues the conversation such as ‘me too, did you …….?’ Now you have a shared conversation and the other person/s can feel that you really relate to each other.
However, maybe you’ve met people who always, but always, have had a worse experience that you; it is better if you are not that person
as such a conversation becomes a competition and not a conversation.
Talk about Their Interests
When you talk only about your interest it is rather like people talking about their work
life and you belong to a completely different industry, you don’t even understand the jargon
and rapidly become bored. So watch for the signs as to how people are engaging with you,
are their feet pointing to the door or they are rummaging for their car keys?
Change tract and find what interests them most, a hobby, film or current event
and you’ll find this to be a great way to build rapport and, who knows,
maybe a valuable friend or business contact.
Keep These Off The Table!
It is realistic to recognise that men and women do have different interests
and it would be silly to prattle on about a subject that most people of that gender
have little or no interest – so find out – don’t presume.
Also the personal past of relationships or health is often a subject to leave out
of your conversations until a suitable point in a relationship.
A male trait very often is to hear a problem and then provide a solution – done deal;
while the feminine perspective is to seek the experience of others
and consider the consequences.
Therefore the big hunter would realise that the medicine woman
likes to solve the mystery.
Look Appropriate to the Setting
Dress for the ‘do’, while recognising that people’s sense of style and occasion
has changed over the years and what you consider to be appropriate
might not be the style chosen by others.
However, your appearance is important, important enough for style coaches
and for YouTubes; so while you are expressing your personality, does that ‘personality’
appeal to the person you are trying to impress or make feel at ease?
I once saw a lawyer give evidence while wearing Hawaiian shorts – somehow that didn’t seem right, nor did his chewing gum fit my image of the situation.
Care about Each Person in the Room
The qualities of empathy, caring, concern and genuine interest
are keys to attracting high quality interest from other people.
When asked to display disinterest to the extent of rudeness as an exercise I couldn’t help
giving the person speaking to me quick little glances as he poured out a deeply sad story.
Those glances were enough for him to feel that I was, in fact ‘present’ with his concerns.
Do you perform random acts of kindness for people daily, give an unexpected smile
or complement? Kindness is something that is seen to come from the heart,
though it needs to actually come from the heart and not be an automatic response
which people can intuitively feel.
This is a mix of self esteem (value of the self) self confidence (ability) and humility (being cool
with not knowing). Such a person has the ability to listen with patience, to respond to what
they’ve heard (given the chance) and to ask questions that enable the other person to expand
on the subject. They can give the other person what they need at that time
as they are confident and comfortable in their own position. Therefore they are able to relax
and laugh easily which makes the other person feel listened to and appreciated.
Making Other People Feel Good
This can often be achieved with a little, but believable, complement regarding
their clothes or the way in which they handled a situation.
Remembering a point from a previous conversation or remembering to include them
when ‘everyone’ appears to have forgotten them or does not know how to be
with someone who is ill, for example. These little considerations are noted by others
and may lead them to being more generous with their time and ability.
Thank-you, particularly with a smile, costs nothing but is a very powerful ‘feel-good’ activity.
The word enthusiasm stems from the Greek, “en-tae theos,” or “god within us.”
There is a certain “spirit” or “aura” that seems to fill people that are fully present
with the joy of their life. I met a lady who was within three weeks of her death
from cancer and yet she was a joy to be with at a party.
A fellow artist’s Parkinson’s has developed rapidly and he simply could not …,
he just looked up and laughed at his wife. I have lessons to learn.
It is difficult not to be infected by someone’s enthusiasm for their subject or joy.
People who are vibrant and attractive to others are those that have sound
mental and physical health.
There are many books that have single sentences for reducing the stress you express
in your life. Including a recent report that states that simply sitting properly
actively reduces stress and improves physical health.
As a hypnotherapist these seems obvious to me as if you put your head and shoulders down and slump the n your body is instantly flooded with depressed chemicals as your body leads your mind. On the other hand if you think about something pleasurable
your body responds physically. Try this now.
So before you enter a room or conversation fill your mind with joyous thoughts
and you’ll instantly full fill many of the points raised in this article.
This means develop your knowledge and interest base.
I read that someone took up a different hobby each year in that vein
maybe you could read or watch in a different subject area each year.
If I remember correctly, Ursula Andress as ‘Honey Ryder’ in Dr. No (1962)
could be considered a very attractive person. Her education consisted of starting at A
in the encyclopaedia and Geisha’s were highly educated to fulfil their role.
This education gives a solid base for conversation and a resource for others and promotes confidence in yourself as does ‘practising what you preach’ so that you can ‘walk your talk’.
Orientation to Action
Some people simply ‘do’, they create and make things happen
that you let pass through your mind as a good idea.
Sometimes these things don’t work or are a stepping stone
but these activities tend to involve others and be of mutual benefit.
This positivity is seen as being successful and it is often said that
if you want something doing then you ask a busy person to help out.
This quiet or burning energy is directed and focused and is seen to be of benefit to others
and we all like to be associated with people seen as winners, stars, people of the moment.
Compatible personality does matter.
Tolerance means broad-minded of others and that doesn’t mean that you approves
of actions that are against your principals. It means that while maintaining your boundaries
you can accept that someone else’s difference are just that – differences.
Humour stands the same litmus test, again there is a general male and female difference
when it comes to jokes. A friend told me to close my ears as he told two other men
a joke he knew would leave me cold. He respected the difference and boundaries described above. A person who can laugh at herself is often a lot of fun to be around.
And as my friend with Parkinson’s, he made light of a difficult situation that can only get worse
and made it so much easier for me to relate to him as the person he is inside.
Sincerity means a lot to people. Again men and women tend to view this
from a slightly different perspective with women finding sincerity to mean security
and you’ll have to tell me what it means to men.
And for those who are balanced with their masculinity and femininity
then being balanced is the optimum and important word with all these points.
Honesty with yourself and with others along with consistency
and a growing personality are important constituents of sincerity.
Flexibility People admire flexible people and find them easier to be with.
This does not mean changing your personality to suit the circumstances or person
but to genuinely be open to exploring new ideas.
The Talking Body
A long time ago I heard someone read a letter in a monotone
as was expected of that culture at that time.
Are you a monotone personality or do you let your enthusiasm shine
through your voice, eyes and gestures?
I find golfers fun, the ones I’ve met simply can’t tell you a story as they have to enact every detail and being a none golfer then the story appears in ‘glorious technicolour’.
Subtle body language to outright mime are skills a film star use to describe the story.
Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:
www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others.
www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.
www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com just for fun.
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”