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Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Found in a second hand bookshop. OOOOOOO I do think that we ladies need to respond !

                     Found in a second hand bookshop, always a great place for those 'finds'.

For whatever reason this notice reminds me of my favourite Christmas song and that is of
Ertha Kitt singing Santa Baby, 
Ertha Kitt was an ‘Old Fashioned Girl’, a sensual person and very OTT with no need for overt crudity.
The transcribed notice rather spoils the effect, but here goes.

HAZADOROUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL:
DISCOVERER: Adam
ANATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 55kg but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES.
1.       Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.
2.       Boils at absolutely nothing – freezes for no apparent reason.
3.       Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES.
1.       Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones.
2.       Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning.
3.       The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….. 
COMMON USE.
1.       Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.       Can greatly aid relaxation.
3.       Can be a very effective cleansing agent.
………………………………………………………………………….
HAZARDS.
1.       Turns green when placed alongside a superior model.
2.       Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.

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